They jokes
One day, a cop pulls a van over, and when he walks up to the window, he sees ten penguins in the back.
The cop asks the man, “Are those your penguins?”
The man says, “Yes, they are my pets.”
The cop replies to the man, “You need to take them to the zoo right now.”
So the man agrees and drives off. The next day, the cop pulls over the same van, and he walks up to the window and sees the ten penguins all wearing sunglasses.
The cop says to the man, “I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo.”
The man says, “I did! Today, we are going to the beach!”
A women's knitters group is having a meeting, and they are all pregnant. They all talk about their pregnancies.
One woman says, "I'm taking vitamin C so my baby has a healthy immune system."
Another knitter says, "I'm taking folic acid to help my baby's brain."
Finally, one woman says, "I'm taking Thalidomide!"
All the women turn to her and say, "Thalidomide! Don't you know your baby could be born without arms?"
The woman shrugs her shoulders and says, "I don't know how to knit arms."
How do Asians name their kids?
They throw pots and pans down the stairs. (ching chong dong)
Why do so many people get charged with rape? Because they are too stupid to finish her off and bury the body.
A missionary was caught by cannibals. He was tied up and thrown into a big pot. The cannibals were chopping up vegetables and throwing them into the pot with the missionary. When they lit the fire under the pot, the missionary said, "You can't stew me. I'm a friar."
Did you guys see on the news where they arrested that pervert at the Michaels Crafts store?
He was running around completely naked and had sprinkled glitter all over his testicles. I guess it was pretty nuts.
I love bullying orphans. Who are they gonna tell? Their parents?
If you tell a girl they're pretty, they won't believe you. If you tell them they're ugly, they'll never forget it.
Elephants never forget.
If you see a woman get raped, don't bother helping. After all, they are independent and need no man.
Cheer on the rapist if you want.
What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common? They both like fairies sitting on them.
How do trees calculate square roots? They use log-arithms.
Why aren't orphans good at Monopoly?
They don't know what a house is.
I’m trying to find out what IDK means. Every time I ask someone, they say, "I don’t know."
What's the difference in Japanese Kamikaze and 9/11?
There is none, they both go up in flames.
What do snow and friends have in common? If you pee on them, they disappear.
How do Chinese people name their baby? They throw pots down the stairs: bing bong ching chong.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims. They went through 80 stories in seconds.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends on how hard you throw them.
What's so great about dead baby jokes? They never get old.
What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?
They melted him down and turned him into Lego, so kids could play with him for once.
Why did the cow not want to talk to the other cow? Because they had beef with each other.