They jokes
The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.
The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:
"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
What do emo kids and bats have in common?
They both hang from trees.
Why can't orphans be gay?
They don't know who to call daddy.
Who read the most words?
911 passengers, they read 12 stories in 9.10 seconds.
Why do midgets laugh when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls.
Memes
Why does this always happen to me...
How to make an orphan BLEED?
Step 1 - Tell them to clap until they actually have a loving family.
Step 2 - LAUGH EVILLY as they BLEED.
Step 3 - Tell them to kys.
Step 4 - Leave that mental asylum.
Rainbows top the class, as they always score with flying colors.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
Can bees fly higher than Mt. Everest? No? Actually, they can. Mt. Everest can't fly.
People keep telling me they hope Kenny never has kids.
I don't think that's a worry. His mom is much too old to get pregnant.
What’s similar between the twin towers and Kobe Bryant?
They both can crash down.
Why did the orphan become a prostitute?
Because they needed someone to call "daddy".
How can you compare a gay prostitute to Pacman?
They both get paid to eat 200 balls!
Why did the pirate kids ride the short bus to school?
Because they were retarrrrrrrrrded.
A blonde, brunette, and a redhead are running from the police. They come across an old shack with three burlap sacks. They each hop into one of them. The police come and kick the one with the brunette in it. She goes, "Mew, mew." The police say, "Oh, it's just a bag of kittens." Then they kick the one with the redhead. "Woof, woof." They think, "Oh, it's just a bag of puppies." Then they kick the one with the blonde in it. She goes, "POTATOES!!" And gets arrested.
Do you know why pedos get away with molesting orphans? Who are they gonna tell? Not their parents.
Why can't a blind person eat fish?
They can't see food.
Why can't orphans be gay?
They don't have a closet to come out of.
Why don't feminists like to eat hotdogs? Because they remind them of men's dicks.
joe: Are your mom and dad nice?
zozo: Well, they were until I murdered them over a bottle of Pringles.
joe: Oh, so you are an orphan and a murderer.