They jokes
Why do cats leave scratches on arms? They don't; I do it myself.
Why should you be friends with emos? Because you get to scan their bar code for 20% off, and when it expires, they get rid of themselves.
What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?
They melted him down and turned him into Lego, so kids could play with him for once.
Why are frogs good at basketball?
Because they always make jump shots.
Why did the cow not want to talk to the other cow? Because they had beef with each other.
Memes
What do maths and 9/11 have in common?
They both prove two parallel lines can be intercepted by a plane.
What type of lettuce did they serve on the Titanic? - Iceberg.
What's the similarity between Catholic Priests and McDonalds? They both like sticking their meat in 6-year-old buns.
The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.
The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:
"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
How to make an orphan BLEED?
Step 1 - Tell them to clap until they actually have a loving family.
Step 2 - LAUGH EVILLY as they BLEED.
Step 3 - Tell them to kys.
Step 4 - Leave that mental asylum.
People keep telling me they hope Kenny never has kids.
I don't think that's a worry. His mom is much too old to get pregnant.
What do emo kids and bats have in common?
They both hang from trees.
Why can't orphans be gay?
They don't know who to call daddy.
Who read the most words?
911 passengers, they read 12 stories in 9.10 seconds.
Why do midgets laugh when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls.
Can bees fly higher than Mt. Everest? No? Actually, they can. Mt. Everest can't fly.
Rainbows top the class, as they always score with flying colors.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
What’s similar between the twin towers and Kobe Bryant?
They both can crash down.
Why did the orphan become a prostitute?
Because they needed someone to call "daddy".