Thereness jokes
Knock, knock. Who's there? Wakanda? Wakanda who? WAKANDA ENDING IS THIS?
There is a thin line between death and life!
You won't live to see it.....
The Cardiogram will!!
I went to see my grandfather in the hospital because I wanted to get to know him better before he passed, maybe take a selfie with him. But when I got there my phone died, so I unplugged a vacuum to plug in my phone. And it turns out he only knows Spanish, so when he kept saying, "Me desconectaste el soporte de mi vida," I thought he wanted water. But when I got back with the water he was asleep, and now my phone was charged, so I translated what he said. And it was, "You unplugged my life support." That's when I called the doctor...
Good news is, I got one sick selfie!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Fuck.
Fuck who?
Fuck off!
So, there were kids in the bus, and half of them were white, and the other half was black.
All the kids wanted to sit at the back, so the bus driver said to all the kids, "Stop fighting. From now on, everyone is now green." So, the bus driver said to all the kids, "Dark green go to the front, and light green at the back."
On Halloween you better hide your candy, or else there will be a fella named Big Dick Randy.
What do the Twin Towers and gender have in common? There used to be two of them, but now it's a sensitive topic.
Why are there no guns in China? They might do some "ting wong!"
I asked a child where their parents were. They started to cry. I laughed and walked out of an orphanage.
I believe Alia is a true god because they say in the beginning there was an explosion.
"Gwen, are you still there?"
There was a guy how had a stroke, eh.
He's all right.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Police.
Police who?
Police stop telling these awful knock knock jokes!
I like whiteboards.
They're quite re-markable.
Don't give emos crack, they're high enough.
A boy asks his father:
"What is politics?"
Father answers:
"It’s very simple! You see, I bring in the money, so I’m big business. Your mother spends the money, so she’s the government.
Your grandfather sees to it that everything is managed in an orderly way. So he’s the law.
Our maid is the working class.
Everything revolves around your interests, so you’re the people. Your little baby brother represents the future."
The boy has to think it over. That night he hears his little brother crying due to a dirty diaper. He doesn’t know what to do, so he goes to the bedroom of his parents. There his mother is sound asleep. He goes to the bedroom of the maid, but his father is there fucking the maid — and oddly enough his grandfather is watching through the window.
Nobody notices the boy and he returns to his bed.
The next day his father asks him:
"So, can you now explain to me what politics is?"
The boy says:
"Yes, it’s all become clear to me!
Big business screws over the working class while the law watches and the government sleeps. The people are ignored and the future lies in shit."
One day, there were two muffins in an oven. One of the muffins said, "Man, it's hot in here." The other one said, "Oh my god! A talking muffin!!!"
I called a Suicide Helpline, but they didn't help me commit suicide.
Tbh they really left me hanging there.
If there is a divorce in West Virginia, are they still brother and sister?
Why couldn't the dinosaur clap? They're dead!