Thereness jokes

Susie

    • "Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Because she had no arms."

    "Why couldn’t she get up off the ground?" "Because she had no friends."

    "Knock knock." "Who’s there?" "Not Susie, she’s still on the ground."

    "Where did Susie go when the bomb went off?" "Everywhere."

    "Why couldn’t Susie scratch her leg?" "Because it was in a different body bag."

    "Why did Susie drop her ice cream?" "She was hit by a bus."

    "Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Someone threw a refrigerator at her."

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    • Manhole

    • Paddy and Murphy are walking down the street when all of a sudden, Paddy falls down a manhole. Murphy shouts down, "Paddy, is it dark down there?"

    Paddy shouts up, "Dunno Murphy, I crnt see a fecking thing!"

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    • Swing

    • Why did Sarah call off the swing? Because she has no arms.

    Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sarah.

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    • Mission

    • A group of Astronauts, a Mechanic, a Pilot, & a Communications operator are on a very important mission to Mars when one of their solar panels gets grazed by a meteorite.

    And so the Astronauts quickly assemble in the hull to wait for orders from the ground. Once the Communications operator turned on coms, their man on the ground told the Pilot to continue their course & to send the Mechanic out to fix the problem. As the Mechanic worked on finishing repairing the solar panel, the Pilot & Communications operator told each other dark jokes when out of nowhere a meteorite field appeared! The Ground operator frighteningly shouted "Get him back in the ship!" to the Communications operator. "Chill out, he'll be fine," The Pilot assured him. "Get him the hell out of there, that's an order!" The Ground operator argued. Then thirty seconds later the Communications operator came back from the air shoot & asked, "Now what?"

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    • Thereness memes

    Blonde

    • There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. They were all trapped on an island, and the nearest shore was 50 miles away.

    The redhead swam, trying to make it to the other shore. She swam 15 miles, drowned, and died.

    The brunette swam 24 miles, drowned, and died.

    The blonde swam 25 miles, got tired, and swam back.

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    • Gender

    • I don't see why people these days choose their gender. There's only two, it's Nerf or nothing! (I'm just joking, I honestly don't care.)

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    • Family

    • There was a family, the father's name was Mad, the mother is Brain, the brother's name is Nobody and the sister's name is Everybody.

    One day, Nobody killed Everybody, and the father ran to the police's office and screamed, "NOBODY KILLED EVERYBODY!!!!!"

    "Sir, are you okay?" The police asked.

    "I said, NOBODY KILLED EVERYBODYYYYY!!!!!" The father yelled even louder.

    "Are you mad?" The police asked.

    "Yes, because my name is Mad!" The father exclaimed.

    "Where's your brain?" Asked the police.

    "At home because my wife name is Brain," the father said. The police fell down due to the confusion.

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    • Death

    • I can tell a joke :)

    Twinkle, twinkle, there's a car Coming like a shooting star. I will stand in the way. I will not be seen again. Are you happy I am dead? Now you made it to the end.

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    • Priest

    • There were four men eating dinner on the Titanic when it hit the iceberg.

    The waiter said, "We have to get to the lifeboats!"

    The teacher said, "What about the kids?"

    The lawyer said, "Fuck the kids."

    The priest said, "Do you think we'll have time?"

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    • Rock Bottom

    • Look, I didn't hit rock bottom. I gracefully floated down there like Mary Poppins with an umbrella.

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