Thereness jokes
Michael Jackson is happy when there are twenty-eight-year-olds.
If Jesus told you to trust everyone, that must be why there are a lot of kidnappings.
Stop telling orphan jokes before they tell their parents.
Oh wait, they don't have any, please continue.
What do you do when you're bored?
I beat up orphans.
What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
*trigger alert*
Why did the racist cop shut down the space brothel?
Because there were too many black holes.
I told a chemistry joke. There was no reaction.
When I went to heaven, I saw Steven Hawking standing there. I asked why he isn’t in heaven yet. He said there are stairs.
When does it rain money?
When there's a change in the weather.
Me: Knock knock.
Person: Who's there?
Me: No-one.
Person: No-one who?
Me:...........
I'm a big fan of white boards; they're remarkable.
My dad was a roof cleaner and I'm dedicating this to him, so dad, if you're up there!
What does a Mexican not like in their drink? Ice.
Will you remember me in 7 years?
(Yes)
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Teacher, there are 3 birds. 1 gets shot. How many are left?
Student, none. They flew off because the shot scared them off.
Teacher, actually 2, but I like the way you think.
5 minutes later
Student, there are 3 women eating ice cream. 1 is licking it, 1 is drinking it melted, and 1 is sucking it. Which one is married?
Teacher, the one sucking it?
Student, no, the one with the ring, but I like the way you think.
There was a boy who owned a dog, who was walking while wearing headphones.
Upon entering a park, he saw a sign that read, "DOGS MUST HAVE LEAD". He continued into the park, and became immersed in the music.
After leaving the park 20 minutes later and turning around for the first time in a while to remove the lead, the sight of his now-dead, freshly-poisoned dog reminded him of the importance of heteronyms.
When in Poland people go to a house party, and the atmosphere is bad, nobody is talking, they say: "Is there a German here?"
So, one day in 3rd grade, I was making this art piece and I was talking about my friend that was a boy that I have known for 5 years. But then, the other boy at my table named Coen Jones shouted, "NO! I'M THE ONLY BOYFRIEND YOU CAN HAVE!" As soon as I heard all that, the teacher and the rest of our class was shocked while our table was just laughing their butts off, but laughed so hard, I fell out of my chair!
I was at my bank today waiting in a short line. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady, who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla of yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?" The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations." The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too!"
Did you know that there is a new drug on the market for lesbians who are suffering from depression? It's called Trycoxagain.
How do Chinese people name their children?
They throw pots and pans down the stairs and listen for the sounds, "Ching Chong Chang."