Thereness jokes

What did the talking rope say to the man?

"Just hang in there."

I told Siri about my dog, and she told me if she could tell me a joke to cheer me up, and I said okay.

She asked me, "Knock knock." I said, "Who is there?" She said, "Not your dog."

I'm Asian and there is a saying that dogs are man's best friends. They are my best friends because they keep me from starving.

My girlfriend went to Tokyo, and she died in the tsunami.

Since I was sad, my friend told me, "Don't worry, there's plenty more in the ocean."

I believe Alia is a true god because they say in the beginning there was an explosion.

Dr. Seuss dark jokes.

Hey there little mister, I'm dating your sister!

Why does an emo wish they were a fish?

Because they're underwater.

I heard there was a kidnapping.

Don't worry, he woke up in the back of a van.

It was his father's friend who was a priest.

He was just bringing him to church.

I told an orphan there were 363 days in a year.

What's one similarity between the twin towers and gender?

There used to be 2, and now it's a sensitive subject.

Why did the white girl come back from Africa?

Because there was no water for her to drink. I'm black.

Sometimes I look back at everything bad I have done. I tell myself it's ok, they're just telling me to keep myself safe :)

That's it, it wasn't a joke.

How do Asian parents name their baby?

They drop a pot down a flight of stairs.

Do you know why there is no “f” in “orphan?”

Because it stands for family.

Hang in there, you all, Literally.

Just saw the news that Kobe passed. I guess there's a first for everything.

"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Knife." "Knife, who?" "How are you still alive? I just stabbed you!"

Woman: A woman’s life is harder, there is menstruation, periods, birth...

Man: Men have to deal with women.

"You may not rest, there are monsters nearby."

-Sun Tzu, The Art of War.

Yesterday during the storm, there was a blackout, so I shot him.