Thereness jokes
So I was living with a girl for a few weeks, and it was nice until she found out that I was there.
The "F" in "orphan" stands for family, but there is no "F" in "orphan."
Kid: Knock, knock.
Orphan: Who's there?
Kid: Not your parents.
Why do people with Down syndrome always look funny?
It’s their funny face.
When Little Johnny was about 3, he got curious and stuck his hand up a mannequin's pants. His mom says, "No, Little Johnny, there are teeth up there that will bite off your hand." Little Johnny thinks, "Oh no, I can't do that again."
A few years later, he was 15 and he had a girlfriend, and they were making out. She says, "Why don't you ever stick your hand up my pants?" He says, "Oh no, my mom says there are teeth that will bite off my hand up there." She says, "No, there isn't, just look!" Little Johnny looks and says, "Well, no wonder there ain't no teeth. By the way, them gums look..."
I have some jokes about popcorn.
Nah, they're too corny.
My girlfriend went to Tokyo, and she died in the tsunami.
Since I was sad, my friend told me, "Don't worry, there's plenty more in the ocean."
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Ligma.
Ligma who?
Ligma balls.
I've sadly received a rejection letter from NASA. Strangely, it says there's no space on their training program.
A man walked into a zoo and there was only one dog.
He came out and said, "It was a shitzu."
If 4 birds are sitting on a fence and one gets shot, how many are still on the fence?
None, the rest fly away.
What’s the best part about having sex with 23 year olds... there’s 20 of them.
Knock knock.
Who's there? Discord server.
Discord server who?
This server is dead, bye bitches, I got better things to do than watch you sit here and type like a sloth.
Why did the wheel fall?
Because there were too many fat people on it.
Once Jimmy was minding his own business, then he hears his mom come home. He asked, "Where have you been?" She replied with, "I was at work," yet he knew his mom did not have work. So the next day, while heading to school, he gets a phone call saying his mom is pregnant, and they want to try their device, and they need the baby's dad to say if it's alright.
I love to play catch with my dad! He's never there to catch the ball, though.
There's a new Michael Jackson biopic in the works. There is a possibility that we will know who his love interest was.
What we know so far: Billie Jean is not his lover, and that kid [seen with him] is not his son. We also know that Michael Jackson said that sharing his bed with little boys is "healing" and an act of "sharing the love," so take that as you will.
"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Doctor."
"Doctor who?"
"Doctor Who."
What do genders and the Twin Towers have in common?
There used to be two, now it’s a sensitive subject.
A cop saw an old lady carrying two sacks. He asked the lady what she was doing. She opened one bag and shows a bunch of cash.
"How did you get all this?" asked the cop.
"Well, I live behind a golf course, and my backyard has many holes in its fence. Since there are no bathrooms nearby, the golfers stick their dicks through the holes and piss onto my hard, and that keeps killing my flowers. So, I grabbed my hedge clippers, and when they stick it through, I grab their dick and yell, '10 bucks right now or it comes clean off!' After that, nobody pees in my yard ever again."
The cop responded with, "Dang. But what about the other bag?"
She said, "Not everybody paid."