Thereness jokes
What's the best thing about f*cking twenty-eight-year-olds?
There's twenty of them.
What’s the difference between women and condoms?
There isn’t a difference; they’re both throw aways.
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Your mother." "Duh!"
My dad drove past a graveyard. He said, "I won't be buried there." I asked why.
He said, "Because I am not dead yet!"
Where did Sally go when the bomb went off?
Everywhere.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
She had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
I called a Suicide Helpline, but they didn't help me commit suicide.
Tbh they really left me hanging there.
What do masturbation and brain damage have in common? After a few strokes, there’s no going back.
OWWWWWWWWWWW I JUST GOT A CUT ON MY BUTT. Oh wait, that’s always been there.
If there was a zombie apocalypse, girls would make a "forehead apocalypse" since it is so big.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because there was a power cut.
Gwen-Kind-Positive-Lends a Helping Hand- Stops Bullies- Does Most Helpful Work.
Addison Banks- Positive Voicing-Stops Hurtful Words.
ALYA-Powerful in Thought- Helps- But Sadly Is Gone.
Prince-Always Backed Up Gwen- But Sadly Is Gone Too.
Watersharky-Helps When Needed-Backs Up Anyone- Curses When Needed- Helps People Through Depression.
These Are The Legends, There Are More Out There You Could Be One Too Just Lend a Helping Hand.
Have you heard of the restaurant Karma?
There is no menu because you only get what you deserve.
I once went to the bar for a pint, but the strippers there didn't have that much breast milk.
Why did Sally drop her ice cream?
Because she got hit by a bus.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
Once there were three girls taking a walk in the mountains. One was a brunette, one was a redhead, and the other was a dumb blonde. They came to a cliff and the brunette said, "If you jump off that cliff and say what you want to be you will become it." So the brunette jumped off and said "falcon" and became a falcon. The redhead jumped off and said "eagle" and became an eagle. The dumb blonde ran, was about to jump, but tripped on a rock, and said "crap."
"Knock knock?"
"Who's there?"
"Depression"
"Depression wh-"
ME!! *runs away*
Teacher: Where's your homework?
Student: At home...
Teacher: What's it doing there?
Student: Having a better time than me.
I was absolutely fuming when I found out my mate was rifling through my mum's knicker drawer.
No one goes in there without my permission!
Why can’t orphans go to a family restaurant?
Because there’s no family.
Dad: You're adopted.
Son: Where are my real parents?
Dad: >:D They are dead, now come to their grave and sleep there.