Thereness jokes
What do you tell a suicidal person when they complain about their problems to you?
Just hang in there, man.
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Dooris." "Dooris who?" "Door is locked, that's why I'm knocking!"
A man walks into a bar, and there is a line of people waiting to punch him.
Yeah, that was the punchline.
How is there evidence of climate change?
The liberal snowflakes are drastically melting down!
The 3 life rules:
1.
2.
3.
Oh, there are no rules, because you have no life.
There is no meme, Whip out your cock
Go to an orphanage and tell the kids their parents came back as an April Fools' joke.
Why do orphans have an iPhone X?
Because there is no home button.
I'm playing a game of HANGMAN. Is there an 'S' or a 'C'?
MIKE PEN__E??
A guy asked me what I do for a living.
Now I'm not old enough to get a job, so I said nothing. He asked me again, so I said, "Your wife!" The guy goes to slap me, but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, "You swore not to tell!"
What should orphans do when their parents aren’t there? The usual.
There's this smart way to sneak a calculator into school. I've heard of it. You take the calculator, put it in a gun magazine, put the magazine in the gun, and bring the gun to school!
You're so ugly that when your mama had you, she tried to give you away, but there was nowhere to give you.
Your mama's so fat that when she went to space, there was no space left.
Don’t feel bad about this day because there’s a saying: "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present."
Soldiers, there is one thing you can be sure of: You will be at home with your families, in a jar on the mantelpiece.
Small word of advice: Don't wait till next month or next year to do stuff with the people you love, because they may be gone by then. You don't realize, but every second there is someone who dies, and it just could be your loved one.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
To find their parents.
There are times I miss you, that I wish I could remember where I hid your body.
Stephen Hawking said there is no god.
God said there is no Stephen Hawking.
My friend is gonna release an air strike. There has to be at least 20 confirmed toilet kills.