Thereness jokes
What did the phone receptionist at the suicide hotline tell the callers?
Hang in there!
Why can't orphans open a family business?
Because there is no family.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to your house.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
"Nobody, because chickens don't talk."
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Dyslexic.
Dyslexic who?
You.
Knock knock.
"Who's there?"
"P,u!"
"P,u who?"
"P,u, you smell like shit!"
You, I didn’t see you there. The pizza place is hunted bad, so you are scared 😱😱😱😱 and so you run and you see your grandma, and you were happy again forever and ever ha ha so funny 😁. The end or is it bye-bye?
Yo mama so old, she was there when Moses was born.
So, if there is a 7-Eleven and a 911, where's 811?
You got no lotion to masturbate, then you remember there's some leftover porridge in the fridge. 😌🤎😇
Why did the wheel fall?
Because there were too many fat people on it.
The orphan wanted to call home sick, but there was no one.
The orphan went to school to have food, but there was no money in his account.
Why do orphans go to church?
They go there to finally call someone "father."
Pool table.
A man got pulled over, and the policeman had stepped out and said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
The man said, "I was trying to catch up with the traffic."
The officer said, "There is no traffic."
The man said, "Exactly, that’s how far behind I am!"
What’s the best thing about fucking twenty-eight year olds?
There’s twenty of them!
Why can't orphans be gay?
There's no one to call "daddy."
How does the sea say hello?
It WAVES you.
SEA what I did there?
I'm SHORE you saw it.
Don't be SALTY!
There's something on your chin, no, the third one down.
A guy goes in to get some tests done. The doctor comes out and says, "I got good news and bad news." The guy says, "Ok, let's get the bad news out of the way." The doctor says, "The tests came back positive. You got two weeks to live." The guy says, "Oh My God!! Then what the hell is the good news?" Doctor says "You see that nurse over there, the one with the big tits? I'm screwin' her."
There was an animal on my porch, then I shot it in the head. It was strange that it had coffee in its hand. I flipped it over, and it was an animal, but it looked a lot like my kid.