Thereness jokes

One day, there were two muffins in an oven. One of the muffins said, "Man, it's hot in here." The other one said, "Oh my god! A talking muffin!!!"

Why are there no Walmarts in Palestine?

There are Targets everywhere.

There are too many suicidal people in this world. I’m going to make sure there is at least one less.

How do terrorists feed their children?

Here comes the airplane.

What's the difference between a grenade and your wife? There's none. Take out the ring and half of the house is gone.

There are a lot of things that explode... like cars, boats, the Twin Towers.

There are only 2 genders: if you have a dick, or a pussy.

How do you know if there's a vegan in the room?

Wait 2 minutes and they'll tell you.

What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common? There used to be two of them, but now it's a sensitive subject.

There was a solar eclipse at school and we missed it, but it was alright. Your mum went to NASA and recreated it herself.

My son came up to me and said, "Dad, I'm depressed."

I pointed to the spare room and said, "Hang in there, son."

What do a blind person and an orphan have in common?

They both cannot see their family.

I know this place may be cruel, but hang in there!

Why are people in Japan so thin?

Because it didn't end well the last time a Fat Man was there.

There is an Afghan Barbie; it’s a blow-up doll.

My friend asked me if I wanted to hang out by the tree later. I said, "Yeah, I was gonna hang there."

Jack and Jill went up the hill to have some hankery panky.

Silly Jill forgot her pill,

And now there's little Frankey.

Father: I am taking your toys to the orphanage.

Son: Why?

Father: You’ll need them there.

(There was a mommy tomato, a daddy tomato, and a baby tomato.)

Baby: Wait for me!

(Father tomato walks back toward the baby.)

(He squishes the child.)

Father: Ketchup!

Why does Michael Jackson like 44-year-olds? There's 4 of them.