Thereness jokes
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Europe.
Europe who?
No, you're a poo.
I don’t like to play games, actually. There is one game: It’s Barbie. Of course, I’ll be Ken, and you’ll be the box cum in.
And there's the referee taking down Ronaldo's number.
Not really the time or the place, but it's good to see that we've kept homophobia out of football.
Knock knock.
"Who's there?"
A man with a drum.
"Well, tell him to beat it!"
There are now only three genders: Male, female, and stupid!
Why do orphans go to church?
They have someone to call "father" there.
Ok, here's a story about the church.
There were two parents, then they had a baby. Then they go to the church and the baby was getting a cross on his forehead. Guess he was big headed. Sorry if this offends anyone or makes this joke bad since I keep writing this.
When the school shooter is getting roasted because of his Pokemon lunch box, but they don't know that there is a Glock 34 inside.
Q: Why can’t Stephen Hawking go to the countryside?
A: There’s no signal.
What do you tell a suicidal person when they complain about their problems to you?
Just hang in there, man.
So there were three baby chickens and two mothers. The first baby said, "Why am I named Calf?"
And the mother said, "I f***ed a cow."
Then the second baby came up to its mother, and it said, "Why am I named B***h?"
And its mom said, "I f***ed a wolf."
And the final baby came to its mother and said, "Why am I named Orphan?" And because its mother wasn't there to see it, this is what I have to say: "Because you are one, you ducking hitch!!"
A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the bees. “I don’t want to know!” Little Johnny said, exploding and bursting into tears.
Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong. “Oh, Pop,” Johnny sobbed, “For me there was no Santa Claus at age six, no Easter Bunny at seven, and no Tooth Fairy at eight. And if you’re telling me now that grownups don’t really have sex, I’ve got nothing left to live for!”
They say there's a person capable of murder in every friend group.
I suspected that it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.
There was once a dark room with a dark light and a terrible electrician.
A nut told me to eat him, so I did, but something weird happened. I turned into a nut, and when I poop, there were eggs there.
A boy went to a genie and said, "I want to be like Batman."
He went home, his parents weren't there.
My sis is very funny. Her fave joke is:
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Mr. Nobody." "Mr. Nobody who?" "I just told you!"
How do you get 50 hungry kids into a box? You put a can of beans in there.
How do you get 50 hungry kids out of a box? You run past with a can opener.
Being asked for advice after a failed suicide attempt:
"What advice do you have for people out there?"
As a suicide professional, don't try this at home.
I went to the zoo the other day. There was only one dog in it. It was a shih tzu.