Thereness jokes
Why was Saudi Arabia sad during 9/11?
Because there were no more planes.
Did you know there's a place in Germany called Hanover?
Must be lots of drunks there.
Your hairline's so far back, even Rosa Parks refused to sit in the back; it went all the way there itself.
Did you know there's a brand of coffee specifically for pedophiles?
It's called the Ep-bean.
What did the mad penis say to the vagina? “Don’t make me come in there!”
Memes
Theres my problem
There’s a noticeable difference between using polish to remove grease and using Polish to remove Greece.
In England, for every church, there are two pubs.
In Poland, for every pub, there are two churches.
Why does everyone say there are mines in Bosnia? There are no-
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Utah.
Utah who?
You're talking to me.
What's one thing you can say about your house, but not your girlfriend?
"I wish it were this color, why is it leaking there, I need help trimming the grass I mean bushes, I own it."
Me when my girlfriend comes home, I check her phone and there are 100 texts from a different guy asking her out, and her text says yes.
Get the whip, you're out!
I wondered why there was red all over my bathroom til I found out that my sis had dyed her hair red. Man, it looked like somebody died in there! Lol.
"There is no way you can fit in there."
"Says who?"
"Your mom."
"When?"
"Last night."
"OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-"
Where did the children go after he stepped on the land mine?
There, there, over there, and over here too.
There was a guy who got his whole left side shot off.
When he was at the hospital and he woke up, he asked the doctor if he was okay.
The doctor said, "You're all right now."
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To eat Bob's arms.
Bob went to hospital and had no arms.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Bob.
Stephen Hawking can pass any test, but there's one test he can't pass. It is the PACER test.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Ruff ruff.
Ruff ruff who?
Let the dogs out.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Goliath.
Goliath who?
I need to Goliath down and sleep!
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Broccoli.
Broccoli who?
Broccoli hasn’t got a surname!