Thereness jokes

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Cabbage.

Cabbage who?

Cabbage doesn’t have a last name.

Man yelling at mailman realizes he's opening the mailbox.

Mailman: "There's a pipe bomb in your mailbox..."

Yo mama so fat that when Thanos snapped his fingers, she was still there.

Bob has no arms.

Knock, knock.

"Who's there?"

"It's not Bob."

What's the similarity between a pepperoni pizza and Freddy Krueger?

They both have red circles on their bodies.

Stacy: Honey, I'm kinda new to texting, what does lol mean?

Justin: I'm not sure, "lots of love," I guess.

Margaret: Stacy, are you there? I don't know if you heard, but Amber and her three kids were killed in a car crash this morning. I'm in total shock!

Stacy: lol

Why can't orphanages play baseball?

Because there's no home to go to.

Why couldn't people have their phone on airplane mode during 9/11?

Because their phone exploded the towers.

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way that Keagan's FIFA team should be this terrible, also the problem is that Keagan is a Real Madrid fan.

There once was a man who beat his wife, And before he even knew it, he ended her life. His hands were a mess, all red and bloody, He had to find somewhere to hide the body.

A: What do you call a sophisticated American? B: Canadian.

A: Why aren't there any Mexicans in Canada? B: They can't run that far.

«A: Что вы называете искушенным американцем? Б: Канадец.

A: Почему в Канаде нет ни одного мексиканца? Б: Они не могут убежать так далеко».

I had to take the underground just to get from your forehead to your hairline, they're so far apart!!!

Where is the building I was in, and why is there a plane?

Why can’t orphans be criminals?

Because they’re not wanted.

What did the moose say after leaving the gay bar?

"Man, I blew 50 bucks in there."

This guy comes knocking on the door in hell and speaks to God. "Please let me out, it is too cold in here!"

God is all confused. "There is a big fire in there!" The guy answers, "Yes, there is, but you cannot get near it. All the bishops, cardinals, and priests are sitting around it."

There's a new bird disease, it's called churpies.

It's a canariel disease, untweetable.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Nacho.

Nacho who?

Nacho Cheese!

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Donut.

What's the difference between a baseball game and an orphan?

There's a home to go back to.