Theft jokes
Why did the coffee file a police report? -- Because it was mugged.
My boyfriend came over today and stole my milk. How dairy!
To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will find you... You have my Word.
To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide, but you can't run.
Why doesn't Karl Marx like Earl Grey Tea?
Because all proper tea is theft.
Give a man a gun, and he will rob a bank.
Give a man a bank, and he will rob everyone.