That jokes

Your mum's so fat, she's the iceberg that sunk the Titanic!

My mum found a chest that was wet, and it had a child in it. She asked me what it was for. I said I put kids in it and chuck it in a river until they are dead.

What do condoms and whores have in common?

Answer: There is a lot that comes in every box.

My dog was hungry, so I let him loose outside while I filled his bowl.

I found out later that he was run over by a truck. It seemed to really hit the Spot.

Free will is like having a vagina. You don't need to know how to use it, and you don't need to know what it does, but what matters is that you have it.

My life, there, that was the joke.

Yo mama so fat that when she sat on the couch, the couch got destroyed.

A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders.

As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"

This morning, I was having a conversation with my ex-boyfriend about reincarnation. I said to him, "If you could come back in the next life as anything, what would you come back as?" He thought about it for a minute and says, "A tree. That way, everybody can look at me and admire me."

Then he says the same thing to me. I started thinking about it when these two sexy, half-naked studs walked by. One was a jock, the other on his bicycle. I know I said I want to come back as a jockstrap or a bicycle seat, but knowing my luck, I'll come back as a tampon.

There are two kids sitting in a classroom: Lily and John. Lily sleeps in class every day.

The teacher asks Lily who made heaven and earth. John pokes her with a pencil. She shouts, "Jesus Christ Almighty!"

The teacher says, "That's right."

The teacher says the next day she asks the same question. John pokes her with a pencil. She shouts, "Jesus Christ Almighty!"

"That's right," the teacher says.

The next day she asks Lily what did Eve say to Adam after their 100th. John pokes her again. "If you stick that thing in me one more time, I'mma break it in half!" she shouts.

I got home one day and a Spanish guy, white guy, black guy told me that your sister knows her meats.

She won a trophy. We blindfolded her, then my sister said, "Yeah, I was blindfolded, and I gave all three of them blowjobs and I had to guess which flavor of the meat it was."

The Trophy said Best Blowjobs. As a brother, I couldn't be prouder.

Your mom is so fat that she thought Eminem is a candy.

Did you know there was food on the plane that caused 9/11?

It was the bomb.

How do you know that Americans hate exercise?

9/11. How else do you explain hundreds of them jumping to their death rather than taking the stairs?

What happened when a kid bullied an orphan?

The orphan said, "I’m going to tell my mom!"

Bully: "I wanna see your mom!"

Narrator: At that moment, he knew he messed up.

This was my friend's joke he wanted me to post;)

Yo mama's so fat that the earth used to be flat before they buried her.

Random words in my keyboard:

The most annoying part of this game has always been that the players don’t know how much time it takes to get to the table before you start playing them.

More random keyboard words made into sentences:

This was a joke that was made by someone who had never been to the game before, but who was the first person to make it into a game of game with the intention of being able to play the first person who played it.

Why do Catholic priests make the best cocksuckers for gay and bisexual men that are members of the Catholic Church?

Because there are glory holes inside of the confessional booths.

I still can’t forget that tiny little dead fish in my blue lunchbox.