That jokes
I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places.
He told me to stop going to those places.
They say one man's trash is another man's treasure. That's why orphanages exist!
Why did the vegetable cross the road? He didn't, he just sat there.
Make an ugly face in 3, 2... STOP! OMG, STOP! EWWWWW! Oh wait, that’s your normal face.
A guy goes into his attic to clean it out and finds an old oil lamp. He thinks he could sell it instead of throwing it away, so he starts to rub it and out pops this genie. The genie says to him, "Thank you for awakening me, I can grant you three wishes as a token of my gratitude." The guy wishes for a billion dollars, the genie grants it. The guy then asks for a huge mansion with 2 Lamborghinis and 2 Ferraris, the genie grants it.
The genie says, "This is your last wish so really make this one count." The guy says, "Well, I've always wanted to drive out to the Hawaiian islands, because airplanes scare me to death, so I would want a highway that could stretch from here all the way to the islands." The Genie says, "That is asking for quite a lot and I'm not sure if I can pull that off, is there anything else you'd want?" The guy says, "Well, I've been married and divorced three times, and I just can't understand what I've been doing wrong. I've given my ex-wives all the love and care that I could, but in the end it was never enough. I would want to have the ability to understand women." The genie thinks for a few moments and says, "Do you want a three or four lane highway?"
me when i realized that buildings don't make earth any heavier cuz all the materials were already used on it.
How Jupiter was discovered.
Once there was a fat lady who farted yellow, orange, and peach. All that fart went to space and created a planet that NASA saw and went over there, but it smelled really bad.
Yo momma's so fat that she got married to diabetes!
One day I was texting my friend on Roblox and I made her mad. She told me she was gonna kill me.
That night, she told me to meet her at the bathroom at 2 PM sharp, but she made "sharp" in all caps. So I went to the bathroom at 2 PM the next day. Now I know what she meant by "SHARP" on Roblox... she brought a knife, and I was in hell by then. Like for the next part!
You're so ugly that when you walk past the toilet, it flushes itself.
Yo mama is so fat that she's bigger than the cinematic Marvel Universe.
My son told me he wanted to be Batman when he grows up. That little shit wants to be gunned down in an alley.
When you were late to school and your teacher called you tardy, she meant that in more ways than one.
You know when you sign up for something and it says "I'm not a robot"? I guess he never had the chance to tick that.
What did the cow say to the cheese? I am your father.
What do you call a cow that's laying down? Ground Beef.
What do you call a boomerang that does not come back?
An orphan's parents.
What happens to chickens that get kidnapped by rapists?
They get choked.
Yo mama so lazy that she didn’t give birth to you until you were 15.
Two cows in a field.
One says to the other, "Mooooooo!"
The other says, "Tut, I was gonna say that!"
Most people are scared of clowns. That's why everyone runs away from you.
Your forehead is so big that it has five different time zones!