That jokes

Did you hear about the guy that posts all of the "Hairline Jokes"?

Answer: Yeah, he's a COMPLETE IDIOT!

Did you know that ASL is a dead language?

Yeah, nobody speaks it.

Yo mama so fat, that when she gets in a monster truck, it becomes a low-rider!

Everyone is talking about Head and Shoulders, and that if he never had a shower, his batteries would have got wet.

Why were parts of the Soviet Union that had more industry than agriculture occupied during WW2?

They couldn't beet the Nazis.

My mom told me she couldn't open the garage door. Then it opened up to me that it wasn't broke anymore.

I made a bet with my friend that I couldn’t create a working car with spaghetti.

You should have seen her face when I drove pasta! 😂

You are so small that you play hockey against the curb!

The fact that "Hawkins" rhymes with "walking" and "talking," yet he could never do any of them.

A blonde went to an HIV test. When she came back, she said, “The doctors say that I’m all positive!”

"Yo mama's so fat, that I took a picture of her last Christmas, and it's still printing today!"

What is a nut that says, "What is your favorite name?"

A magic nut.

What’s the only type of batteries that they use in prisons? Duracell.

You other brothers can’t deny that she’s fly.

Yo mama so fat that when she went in the ocean, Spain claimed her for new land.

I knew a girl that died from having phone sex... He died of hearing aids.

Why did the rapper apologize to the sidewalk?

He didn’t mean to SPIT that hard.

Little Johnny’s father walks into the bathroom and catches him masturbating. He says, “Son, every time you do that, you kill an innocent baby.”

The next day, his father walks into the bathroom and catches him again. Johnny says, “Bow your head, Dad. Can’t you see we’re having a funeral?”

A fish was swimming around in a pond when he noticed a fly flying around about six inches above the water. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, I could have myself a nice meal."

There was a bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, that fish will come up for that fly, and I can catch that fish and have myself a nice meal."

There was a hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will go for the fish, and I can shoot the bear and have myself a nice meal."

There was a mouse watching the hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will get the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, drop his sandwich and I can have myself a nice meal."

There was a cat in a tree watching the mouse watching the hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will get the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, drop his sandwich, the mouse will go for the sandwich, and I can catch that mouse and have myself a nice meal."

Then it all happened.

The fly dropped six inches.

The fish came up and caught the fly.

The bear came out and caught the fish.

The hunter got up to shoot the bear and dropped his sandwich.

The mouse went for the sandwich.

The cat jumped from the tree, missed, and landed in the pond.

The lesson that can be learned here is that every time a fly drops six inches, a pussy gets wet.

So, one day I walk up to my sister and tell her that she is adopted because she doesn't look like anyone in the family. She starts to cry. My mom asks why she's crying, and I say I told her she was adopted and I was there for the adoption, and we have papers. It was all a lie. She is not adopted, and everything is fine.