That jokes

One day, Little Johnny needs to use the bathroom. His mom is in there, so he went in to use it and asked his mom, "What is that between your legs?"

His mom told him that is her bush. Then the next day the same thing happened, but with his dad. He asked his dad, "What is that between his legs?" He said, "My snake."

The same thing happened one more time, except with his grandmother. Little Johnny asked grandma what is on her chest. She said, "My headlights."

One night, Little Johnny caught his parents doing something naughty. Then he said, "Grandma, grandma, turn on your headlights! Daddy's snake is trying to get into mommy's bush!"

What does dark humor and a child with cancer have in common?

That I will never get old.

The fact that "Hawkins" rhymes with "walking" and "talking," yet he could never do any of them.

I made a bet with my friend that I couldn’t create a working car with spaghetti.

You should have seen her face when I drove pasta! 😂

A blonde went to an HIV test. When she came back, she said, “The doctors say that I’m all positive!”

Yo mama so fat, that when she gets in a monster truck, it becomes a low-rider!

Did you know that ASL is a dead language?

Yeah, nobody speaks it.

Yo mama so fat that when she went in the ocean, Spain claimed her for new land.

Did you hear about the guy that posts all of the "Hairline Jokes"?

Answer: Yeah, he's a COMPLETE IDIOT!

I knew a girl that died from having phone sex... He died of hearing aids.

It's illegal to go onto someone's property, demand money that they might not have while wearing all black, and threaten horrible things if they don't pay.

But when the IRS does it, it's perfectly fine. HMMMMM . . .

What’s the only type of batteries that they use in prisons? Duracell.

What is white, blue eyed, blonde haired and somehow was made in Galilee during the Roman occupation?

An Italian Renaissance painting that was carbon dated.

My little sister that is 10 is so ugly her hairline can't even be found by Dora the Explorer.

"That plane lookin kinda low."

What do you call a wheelchair kid that is on fire?

Hot Wheels.

Yo mama so fat that she broke the chair by sitting on it.

Hey Gwen... I had a friend named Gwen in preschool.

The preschool was Cascade Christian and in Washington (which is close to Oregon. I read in a chat that you live there.) This is a long shot, but I think you might be the same Gwen. If not, ok.

My son and I went on a tour to the Old Trafford Stadium. We were admiring the 76,000 seat arena when he suddenly pointed at the pitch.

“Dad, who is that man camping there?” I said, “Son, that is Bruno Penandes. He lives in that Penalty box. He only performs in small games.”

My sister said that if you go to a random person's door, the sister will all Waze open it.