That jokes
Roses are red, violets are blue, people think that you’re fat, until they saw your mom.
Your mum's hairline was so long that you decided to get therapy.
What do you call seagulls that fly over the bay? Bagels.
You know, people always tell you to stand up for yourself. Why didn't anyone tell the World Trade Center that? 🤔
Your forehead is so big that it's a 20 dollar taxi ride from your eyebrow to your hairline.
Your forehead is so big that the teachers used it as a whiteboard.
What's braver than coming out gay? Taking a shit in an elementary school bathroom with those two kids that always mess with you and turn off the lights.
I got something long stuck inside me last night, dammit, that needle hurt.
Every Cobra Kai joke that was made, it's just me.
Yo mama so fat...
That when she used a jump rope... Every time she jumped caused a giant cataclysm!
*Shotguns in a nutshell*
2B: MUST.
4B: ADD.
6B: MORE.
12B: *B A R R E L S*
*And that's how multi-barrel shotguns were made.*
There were three women, one was curvy in all the right places, one was skinny but had a booty on her, and last but not least there’s one that has a BBL. Then comes in a famous rapper, guess which one he picked???
Your Mom is so friking fat, that when she ripped her pants and went to the seamster, they said, "We don't sew curtains!"
DB: I'm the only shotgun with more than 1 barrel!
Lancaster: Are you sure about that?
DB: huh?
Lancaster: I have 4 barrels!
DB: WHAT!?
Penta Barrel: I got 5!
DB: *insert becoming uncanny*
Dual Hexagon shotgun: I got 12!
The others: HOW!?
*and that's how an argument started.*
So, I remember growing my own peanuts really well. There's one that's larger than the others. I can't keep my eye off of it.
I'm scared that it moves at night.
I'm being serious. I literally can't keep my eye off it.
Dad: I'll pay you 10 bucks for every day you don't tell a lie.
Next day:
Dad: Son, what's the ugliest thing you've ever seen?
Son: That ugly face of yours, go get a life, gosh, Dad, you're embarrassing.
The dad sulked for 3 whole years.
Proof that words really can hurt.
My girlfriend told me that she wonders what our kids will look like.
No, they will be wondering what I look like.
What do you call a phone that talks?
A reader in a leader.
An African man was walking in New York when he saw a sign that said, "Watch out for children."
He started laughing hysterically, then a white man asked him, "Why are you laughing?"
He said, "In Africa, they would never put up a sign like that."
Opinions are like orgasms. The only one that matters is mine and I don't care if you have one.