That jokes

I named my dog Stone so that I can say to people that I throw stones every day.

Yo mama is so ugly, if she got a pound for every boy that found her unattractive, boys would find her attractive.

Doctor: “I have good and bad news.”

Patient: “Give me the good news first.”

Doctor: “Your test results are back and you have only two days to live.”

Patient: “That’s the good news? What’s the bad news?”

Doctor: “I’ve been trying to reach you for two days.”

If your name is Jack, I think you are a stupid person that leaves their friends and blocks them on everything.

Mr. and Mrs. Potato were walking down the street when a french fry caught the attention of Mr. Potato.

Mrs. Potato said: "I see you eye-balling that French girl!"

Hey, guy, you suck! Why do I suck? Because you're the one that's sucking juice out of a straw.

Have you ever seen that weird ad that pops up at the bottom: sexy Russian babes looking for men older than 30, and they're 18, so is it a reverse pedo? Oh well.

What word starts with M and ends in RAGE? Miscarriage.

That joke never gets old... but neither does the baby...;)

Your mom was so fat that she couldn't have a man and couldn't go through the door.

I'M JOKING, DON'T GET MAD!

If a fly loses its wings, is it now a walk? Wait a minute, I found out a mind blower. So the 🌎 is the 3rd planet from the sun, doesn't that mean all countries are called the 3rd country of 🌎? If I get 10 likes, I'll do one mind-blowing fact daily.

You know chords, right? Well, you know what I love to do? To play with A-minor. You know, feel your fingers on A-minor. Gives you a sense of power, to just F A-minor.

But that's not my favorite thing to fiddle with. That would be the D of minors. It's just solid, you know. If you're clever you can have the D of minors into the C of minors. Or, though a bit tricky, the D of minors into the B of minors.

And at this point you've gotten the point and if I want to continue it would be a bit of a stretch.

They say there is power in numbers.

Tell that to the people in the Twin Towers.

That one awkward moment you have to go ask your Chinese neighbor if they've seen your dog.

Albert is a homophobic guy. His cousin Franco is also a homophobic guy.

Albert's aunt and cousin have visited his parents, but Albert didn't know that because he came late at night. Franco was sleeping in Albert's bed, thinking he would not come home. Albert laid on his bed, thinking there was no one on it, and then they started fucking ^_*

No phobia lasts forever 👌😂

One day I got home and told my girlfriend, "I cheated on you." She replied with, "F**k you!" I then said, "But you won't, that's why I cheated on you."

Sometimes I look back at everything bad I have done. I tell myself it's ok, they're just telling me to keep myself safe :)

That's it, it wasn't a joke.

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If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?

I was really rooting to tell that one.

When you're so rich that you can buy anything, you end up getting a cow in your living room. Yeah, anyways, my ex is still in my living room.

This lady has 2 parrots that only say one thing: "Hi, we're prostitutes, wanna have some fun?"

So she goes and tells her pastor. He responds with, "I have two parrots as well, they are always praying, and they have everything that a parrot needs to be a Christian. Maybe if we put our parrots together, mine will fix yours."

They proceed to do so, and the lady's parrots say, "Hi, we're prostitutes, wanna have some fun?" and the pastor's parrots reply with "Johnny, drop your beads and lift your heads, our prayers have been answered!"