That jokes

What do you call a person that [proudly] knows only one language? A bloody seppo.

What do you call a person that speaks five languages? A Euro waiter.

What's an old Japanese man's last words?

"Hey, that cloud looks like a mushroom, or is it just me?"

"The legend says Tinker Bell was good in jerkin' off Peter with her tiny fingers, but it pains me to think that Captain Hook was a closeted-sadist boyfriend."

I remember when I saw my dad's penis for the first time.

I said, "Dad, don't text me shit like that."

I go in to get a prostate exam. I'm nervous, but the doctor says it's all natural and needs to be done.

So he pulls down my pants and sticks one finger up my ass. I feel it go deeper inside, feeling for abnormalities.

That's when I realize his hands are on my shoulders.

Why do orphans play tennis? Because that's the only thing they love.

People say that they can read people's faces; then how come nobody sees me breaking inside?

Mr. Smith: Neona, tell us what you have for the biggest competition that we can do to keep our competitors out of the winning streak?

Neona: Will thought we used more sales and more advertising.

Mr. Smith: It's already a good idea. Now what about the business plan? We need it as recommendations to keep the business going. Tell me, what do you have in mind?

Neona: It is better to always have a plan. I was thinking that we can get higher prices and always get great deals. The people will go nuts for a great deal!

Mr. Smith: Perfect. Now let's take a 5 minute break.

Mr. Smith: Ok, 5 minutes is up! Now Neona, I know you are an intern, but what are the best things we can do for the company?

Neona: Hmm...let's see...will we can start with all the things people love! If this is going to work then we have have to......

Quiet kid: "I'm home!"

Parents: "What did you learn at school today?"

Quiet kid: "I've learned that I've had enough!"

When Bob got on that sled, I don't know how he went so smoothly, but that is the invention of bobsled peoples.

And then Mark came in.

Yo mama so fat, that’s why people don’t want to marry her, except for fat guys.

Yo mama so short that when she tried to sniff meth, she couldn’t get high.

Yo mama is so ugly that Bumble accused her of catfishing.

Me in my dream: What a good day! *rumble* Ooh! What was that?

I wake up and I find myself on the floor.

What do you call a dog that's faced backwards?

A god.

I'm bone dry in material, but I have a skeleTON of skeleton jokes. After I tell you all these rib ticklers, you will have a bone to pick with if you didn't find that funny, you outta rip my spine out.

By the way, why are there no knock knock jokes about America?

Because freedom rings, but they never answer that door.

Enjoy!

My little sister called my name a few minutes after I put her to bed. She told me that there was something in her closet. I checked the closet and told her there was nothing there, but told her she could still sleep in my room with me. I was thinking that was the best way to get her out of the room before he noticed I saw him.

What was the one test that Steven Hawking couldn't pass?

reCAPTCHA

My son said that bully needs a pounding, then I say, "Yeah, right, that is what I said and did to your mother." My son opens his mouth and freezes. I guess he knew what I was talking about.