That jokes

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation."

Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.

The frog says $30,000.

The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.

Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

A straight man and a gay man are talking. The straight man says, "I'm wanted in 2 states for murder." and the gay man replies with, "Oh, that sucks. I'm wanted in 13 for existing."

Yo mama so fat that Hannibal Lecter couldn't eat her up.

What was the first thing that went through the 9/11 victims' heads?

Their ankles.

What is a redneck virgin?

Answer: A seven-year-old that can run faster than her brothers!

Yo mama so stupid that when the mirror cracked, she tried to order another one.

What happens when you combine candy and dick? That creepy guy down the street!

A few men have curved penises, but they can fix that problem by straightening it out.

If someone calls you fat, just ignore them. You are bigger than that!

Your forehead is so big that Mastermind thought you were his long lost brother!

What do you call multiple quintuplets that look the same?

Naruto's mom.

What do you call a cow that no one likes? The mooser.

Mrs. Mallara's boobs were (69) pounds. She said that was too too too much (69222), so she went to 51st Street (6922251) to visit Doctor X (6922251 x), and the surgery lasted 8 hours (6922251 x 8).

She ended up (the total flipped upside down spells boobless) (=)55378008

Help, my ADHD is so bad that not even I can focus in a concentration camp.

I told my mom, "Do you want to see a magic trick?" She said yes. I said, "You are going to have a hot dog and cream pie together." My mom said, "No, I'm not," but I told my mom, "I'm going to need your assistance." First, I need you to lick and suck on my hot dog that is attached to me, which she did. The next minute my mom has a cream pie over her face. Then I told my mom, "You see, you are going to have a hot dog and cream pie together." Then my mom said, "When you are right, you are right."

You should know how important it is to wash your sex toys.

That's why priests invented baptism.

"Mom? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital." "Aaron, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."

Hey guys, I just wanna say what happened to Kanye; he is one of my favorite rappers, and he’s going through a hard time. I don’t see why people can’t just spread love and kindness like me💕

I think that Kanye was right to say what he said. I completely support him, and I don’t understand why people hate on him for using his 1st amendment, and Yeezy should be sued for it.

Quote of the day: Love bests hate as for hate is the killer of friendships - Collin Kaepernick

Did you hear about the astronaut that stepped in gum and got stuck?

He got stuck in orbit! Hehhehe.

Make an ugly face in 3, 2... STOP! OMG, STOP! EWWWWW! Oh wait, that’s your normal face.