That jokes

I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places.

He told me to stop going to those places.

I had a teacher named Mr. Stubs. I asked why he was given that name, and he replied, "My parents said my limbs were spare parts."

When it comes to mosquitoes in Africa, should you feel bad that they're getting AIDS from their victims?

What's something you shouldn't tell a paraplegic that's being confronted by a bully?

Just walk away.

You should never suppress a fart. It travels up the spine high into the brain. That's where the shit ideas come from.

Yo Mama is so fat that Nationwide took nine years to get on her side.

People always call me heartless. That’s not true. I have a heart... it just wasn’t meant for you.

My friend's mom once told me that when Trump was elected president, she said to my friend: "Hey look, an orange became president. We got an orange as a president before a girl as president."

Siri is so ugly that she needs to go in the dumpster. She's so ugly that she needs to go in the toilet.

Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Neither. It was evolution.

Fuck clankers. Wait, not like that.

Your hairline looks like something that came off the bottom of a Reese's cup.

Are people still mad at Hasan from that dog incident? All he wanted to do was become the world’s first lightningbender.

When you are trying to write a speech about Columbus, don't make a joke that he was on a seafood diet because the audience might think you and Columbus were fat. You know, 'see food, eat everything.'

I pulled my kid out of school after a woke teacher taught my six-year-old about pronouns! Yesterday, it was "he/she," today, "they/it," tomorrow, "I/you/we!"

When you were late to school and your teacher called you tardy, she meant that in more ways than one.

America's police phone number is 911 because that is the day they lost everything.

What do you call a fat, lazy person who smokes weed? A baked potato.

Did you know the food that was on the plane?

It was the bomb.

You will find your dad that left to get the milk before your hairline.