That jokes

Why doesn't Mexico win any medals in the summer Olympics anymore?

Because all the Mexicans that can run, swim, or jump are already here.

At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, "That's the fourth time you've gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn't it embarrass you?"

"Why should it?" answered her spouse. "I keep telling them it's for you."

Doesn't having depersonalization mean that you're like the animatronics off of FNAF/Five Nights at Freddy's?

(If you don't know what depersonalization is, look it up.)

What do you call a person that is both Black and Hispanic and was born on Wednesday? Miérkoolaids.

Hey Siri, what’s in my bank account?

You stupid shit, piece of elephant crap, you’re so ugly that when you were born, your nickname was bastard! You’re so ugly, that your crush fainted in front of you and was proclaimed dead! You’re so ugly that-

(Destroys phone cutely)

Why does nobody know that an Octane is a Fennec in disguise?

They have the same hitbox.

What does a website have that an orphan doesn't? A home.

If my cat were a cactus, doesn't that make him the catus?

Did you know that lots of graves are put in churchyards?

Yeah, they're pretty holey.

You're so fat that when you got to McDonald's, they had to call Wendy's for backup.

Your hairline is so far back that when I put on my glasses, I thought I saw an "M" for McDonald's on your hairline.

Yo mama so ugly when she played Five Nights at Freddy's, they thought that she was already in an animatronic costume.

Isn't it ironic that the actually nice people tend to be suicidal?

Think about it: suicide exists to make sure bad people bother each other instead.

So I stayed at home for Halloween when I suddenly hear a knock on my door. I open and I see Penandes! I was confused and asked him why he does not wear a costume, and he said he doesn't need to.

Then I realized that he's a ghost and gave him 3 candies. Enjoy the candies Pruno!

So, a mom and a dad take their son to a therapist.

“What seems to be the problem?” the therapist asked.

“Our son thinks he’s a refrigerator!” they said.

So the therapist replies, “Oh dear, that must be a problem.”

“Yeah, he sleeps with his mouth open, and the light is really bright.”

As a son, I am so worried about the phone call message that my mom got from a member of The CDC. It was on speaker, so me and mom both hear. The message told my mom that she needs to personally isolate because two of the new symptoms is having big titties and a great personality.

My local hacker contacted me and told me that he hacked my computer.

I responded, “Show me proof.” He provided the username and password for my email account, bank account, video game accounts, and social media accounts. To be honest, that is the fastest “Forgot Password” procedure I’ve ever done.

A man went to buy 5 undies, so he said, "Hi, 5 undies, please, 1 for each weekday." Then another man comes and said, "Hi, 7 undies please, 1 for each day, and they'll finish cleaning by Sunday." So the cashier said, "Now that's more like it!" And then another person said, "Hi, 12 undies please, wait, I'm gonna double check... January... fe"

Yesterday, I tried to help a little girl by a road stop crying. I asked her where her parents were, and that made her cry harder. So then I asked her where her house was, and she said with tears, "I don't have one." So I got her in my car and drove her to where she said she was living. It was an orphanage.

Here's what to do if an annoying person keeps talking to you. First, ignore them until they ask you if you're going to respond. Then ask them: if they were walking down the street and a rabid dog suddenly started barking at them, would they get on all fours and bark back? After that, continue to ignore them.