That jokes

My friend, you lit my mind: that's what the lighter said to my thighs.

That awkward moment when you're checking yourself out in the window of a car and you realize there's somebody inside.

Did you hear about that Muslim party?

It was a blast!

In a proud, boastful voice, Gemma told the old Chinese woman who was babysitting her that onions were the only food that could make you cry. The woman nodded and said that was true enough.

They continued eating for a while. "This is really good!" the little girl exclaimed. "What's this meat?"

The old lady replied with: "Well, there was a brown dog in your yard that wouldn't stop yapping."

You're so ugly that you made Hitler commit suicide.

My mom showed me that she could deep throat a banana. I asked my mom how you know how to do that. My mom said, "I practice on your new stepfather."

Your mom is so fat that when God said, "Let there be light," he asked your mom to move out of the way.

What do you call cheese that is not your cheese?

Nacho cheese.

All my life I wanted to be somebody. I wanted to achieve something.

Now, after messing up my life at every possible chance, I finally realize that what I really want is to have been someone after following through with one thing.

I may not be that good with puns on this site, but I got a skele-ton of jokes. Hey, what's the matter pal, is there something crawling under your skin?

A man gets kicked out of police camp after writing "Who's that Pokémon?" next to all of the chalk outlines.

I have a lot of respect for trans women.

That surgery takes balls!

Now that Stephen Hawking is dead, the jokes will start to roll in just like he used to.

Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex. They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch and think that their wife should be really happy.

Bf: "Roses are red, violets are blue, you're my bf and I luv you."

Gf: "I luv u too."

Bf: "But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, I heard you were cheating, I'll knock off your head."

Gf: "Ah, about that..."

Roses are red, you are gay, and that's it.

Your hairline is so long that when you finally found the length of it, you told someone and they said, "Don't give me your phone number."

Once, I tried to say, "P.P. That's funny right there." Instead, I said, you guessed it, "Penis!"

Yo Mama so stupid that when she saw a sign that said, “Airport Left,” she turned around and went home.

Please, this is disgusting. This is only men who think that it’s fun to do jokes about rape. It’s really fucking dramatic for a man/woman to get raped, so please just shut the fuck up!