That jokes

Someone handed me a knife the other day and told me that it was very smart.

I made sure it didn't outsmart me.

I don't beat up midgets.

That would be punching down.

Your hairline is so bad that they used it as trenches in the World War.

Yo mama is so fat that when she is about to put her foot on the scale, the scale begs for mercy.

What’s one thing that an orphan can never get in poker?

A full house.

What do you call the door that is cute and adorable?

Yo mama so fat that when she bought food, she ran out of money.

What do you call a person that is both Black and Hispanic and was born on Wednesday? Miérkoolaids.

Yo mama is so fat that when she fell over, she created the Grand Canyon.

Pro marriage tip: Let your wife know you’re all about women’s rights. There’s no reason she needs to talk that much; it’s not like replying to her is voice activated.

Yo mama is so nasty that she sucked your dad's dick and came in to kiss you goodnight.

Why is it that when in PE, it's fine for someone to say "boys against girls", but in public when I say "blacks against whites" or "boys against girls" I'm the bad guy?

Yo mama is so old that she had the first written copy of the Bible.

Yo mama is so hairy that she uses a lawn mower to shave.

So I stayed at home for Halloween when I suddenly hear a knock on my door. I open and I see Penandes! I was confused and asked him why he does not wear a costume, and he said he doesn't need to.

Then I realized that he's a ghost and gave him 3 candies. Enjoy the candies Pruno!

So, a mom and a dad take their son to a therapist.

“What seems to be the problem?” the therapist asked.

“Our son thinks he’s a refrigerator!” they said.

So the therapist replies, “Oh dear, that must be a problem.”

“Yeah, he sleeps with his mouth open, and the light is really bright.”

As a son, I am so worried about the phone call message that my mom got from a member of The CDC. It was on speaker, so me and mom both hear. The message told my mom that she needs to personally isolate because two of the new symptoms is having big titties and a great personality.

My local hacker contacted me and told me that he hacked my computer.

I responded, “Show me proof.” He provided the username and password for my email account, bank account, video game accounts, and social media accounts. To be honest, that is the fastest “Forgot Password” procedure I’ve ever done.

A man went to buy 5 undies, so he said, "Hi, 5 undies, please, 1 for each weekday." Then another man comes and said, "Hi, 7 undies please, 1 for each day, and they'll finish cleaning by Sunday." So the cashier said, "Now that's more like it!" And then another person said, "Hi, 12 undies please, wait, I'm gonna double check... January... fe"

Yesterday, I tried to help a little girl by a road stop crying. I asked her where her parents were, and that made her cry harder. So then I asked her where her house was, and she said with tears, "I don't have one." So I got her in my car and drove her to where she said she was living. It was an orphanage.