That jokes

A man in Saudi Arabia was caught stealing hand sanitiser.

The silver lining for him is that he will not need hand sanitiser anymore!

Yo hairline so long that it doesn't have a stopping point.

Why did the old man fall down a well?

He couldn't see that well.

I only trust people that like big butts.

If I had a genie grant me wishes, I wouldn't wish for a million pounds. I'd just wish that every time I buy something I just have the right amount of money in my pocket at the time.

My friend that was in a wheelchair was getting bullied, so I said, "Stand up for yourself."

A depressed man has been thinking of killing himself, and his friend says, "Find Jesus instead, he'll help you!"

And then the man says, "It's pretty hard to 'get help' from something that doesn't exist."

Imagine this scenario: a doctor walks in and tells the patient that he has all the illnesses in the world like this: "You have depression, diarrhea, cancer,... etc." and then the last one on the list is that he is deaf.

What can a dwarf do standing up that a tall person can't do standing up?

Give a blowjob.

If someone has a gun and tries to shoot you, just say, “Hipity hoppity, that gun is my property.”

When the school shooter is getting roasted because of his Pokemon lunch box, but they don't know that there is a Glock 34 inside.

What is the country that is always in a rush? Russia.

What did Hitler say to Stan after he died?

I did nazi that coming!

*New teacher walks in* New Teacher: Hi there, class. My name is Mr. Willy. I will be your math teacher.

*Me in shock, "Willy"* Me: Willy Wonka, is that you?

Walked into a bar the other day and a group of sailors were being loud and shouting about all the women they have in port that had given them gonorrhea...

Bloody seamen.

What do you get when a dog that is actually a Weeto is caught in an earthquake?

Just like a chocolate milkshake, only crunchy!

Did you hear about the blonde that worked at the Dollar Store?

She called for a price check.

I saw a sign that said, "Falling Rocks." I tried it, and it doesn't.

I told my mum that a few guys tell me that you're a MILF.

My mom said what that is. I reply, "Mom, I'd Like To Fuck." My mum started out to laugh, then she told me, "Well, now you need a new stepdad."

What do you call a cow that doesn't stop shaking?

A milkshake.