That jokes

A depressed man has been thinking of killing himself, and his friend says, "Find Jesus instead, he'll help you!"

And then the man says, "It's pretty hard to 'get help' from something that doesn't exist."

What is the country that is always in a rush? Russia.

What would a man say to flirt with a woman that has a big butt?

You are so butty-ful!

What did Hitler say to Stan after he died?

I did nazi that coming!

*New teacher walks in* New Teacher: Hi there, class. My name is Mr. Willy. I will be your math teacher.

*Me in shock, "Willy"* Me: Willy Wonka, is that you?

Your mama so white that her first number was 911.

What do you call somebody in America that is smart?

An immigrant.

Why did the old man fall down a well?

He couldn't see that well.

If I had a genie grant me wishes, I wouldn't wish for a million pounds. I'd just wish that every time I buy something I just have the right amount of money in my pocket at the time.

My friend that was in a wheelchair was getting bullied, so I said, "Stand up for yourself."

A man in Saudi Arabia was caught stealing hand sanitiser.

The silver lining for him is that he will not need hand sanitiser anymore!

Yo hairline so long that it doesn't have a stopping point.

I only trust people that like big butts.

Where did Sally go after the gunshot?

6 feet under.

*That is how deep they put the coffin...*

What can a dwarf do standing up that a tall person can't do standing up?

Give a blowjob.

When the school shooter is getting roasted because of his Pokemon lunch box, but they don't know that there is a Glock 34 inside.

If someone has a gun and tries to shoot you, just say, “Hipity hoppity, that gun is my property.”

Walked into a bar the other day and a group of sailors were being loud and shouting about all the women they have in port that had given them gonorrhea...

Bloody seamen.

I saw a sign that said, "Falling Rocks." I tried it, and it doesn't.

I told my mum that a few guys tell me that you're a MILF.

My mom said what that is. I reply, "Mom, I'd Like To Fuck." My mum started out to laugh, then she told me, "Well, now you need a new stepdad."