That jokes

Yo mama is so fat that a whole forest grew on her, but it was sad because she really smells, so the forest died.

What do you call a blonde in the freezer?

Her parents named her Jessica, so we should probably continue to call her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.

My friend said to me that I am gay. My response? I’m as straight as that pole that your mum danced on last night.

What do cannibals call a person that is running?

Fast food.

Yo mama is so ugly that her birth certificate is an apology.

Is your ass jealous of the shit that came out of your fucking mouth?

When a person yells, just laugh and remember that they can’t hurt what’s already dead.

I'm a pilot and my boss told me to fly people to New York, so I flew them to New York and hit the towers. That was a tragic story.

You know how divers jump off a cliff and land in the water well...

Emos do that too, but when they jump, they don't land in the water.

Hey, you know those birds and lizards that feast on decaying flesh?

Oh, sorry, I shouldn't carrion about it.

If I look after chickens, does that make me a chicken tender?

Yo mama is so fat that when she sits on the internet, it will take a day to send!

The only time that cows will make noise is when they are in the moooo-d.

Here’s my hand, please hold it. That way I can say I was touched by an angel.

Kid: My parents want to meet you, you wanna come over?

Orphan: Na, I'm good. I'm going to watch Home Alone. It's the only movie that I can think of that's related to me.

What do you call a calf that is in no way brave?

A coward.

WARNING: READ THIS JOKE ALOUD!

Was it the pills that stopped his coughing, or was it the coffin they carried him off in?

What did the Ford Mustang say to the crowd of innocent people?

I'D HIT THAT!

If a kid refused to go to bed, does that make them guilty of resisting a rest?

I used to have a skeleton of jokes, now my supply is bone dry. Guess I wasn’t that femurous.