That jokes

I was always told as a kid that I have to pick between being a programmer and an English teacher.

They said: you can't be a "pro-grammer nazi."

Ok, this is a texting joke. This isn't my joke; I found it on Google.

Mom: SON YOURE G-MOM JUST PASSED AWAY lol

Son: Mom, how is that funny?!?! I hope you're not laughing!

Mom: OH NO I THOUGHT LOL MEANT LAUGHING OUT LOUD

What did one skeleton say to the other?

Skeleton 1: "I need a hand!"

Skeleton 2: (Throws up hand)

Skeleton 1: "That wasn't very humerus."

Skeleton 2: "Why do you have to be so heartless?"

Skeleton 1: "At least I had the guts to tell you!"

Why didn’t the turkey cross the road?

To prove that he was not chicken.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Robin.

Robin who?

Robin you, that is who.

The son margarine shows his father his test that he failed.

Father: Son, you can do butter!

Person: You suck!

Me: Tell that to your mom, and she’ll say the same thing, honey. 😎

Did you hear about the man that got fired from his can job? It was soda-pressing.

Did you hear about the Boston marathon? 'Cause, well, I heard it was a blast and that it blew everyone away!

Oh Sans, you're such a bonehead! Sorry if that joke was jaw-breaking! LOL.

What do you call a Mexican that has lost his car?

Carlos!

Yo hairline so far back that you need a magnifying glass to see it.

A blonde accidentally kills a cop and calls the police.

She exclaims, “Hello, is this 911?”

The other person, “Yes, what is your emergency?”

The blonde answered, “I called to inform you that you’re 910 now.”

Boy goes to Confession.

Boy: "What are you doing, Father?"

Priest: "It's called masturbation, and soon you will be doing it."

Boy: "Why do you say that, Father?"

Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired!"

-not my joke

My wife is mad that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and went right.

My husband asked me to get 6 cans of Sprite at the store. I realized when I got home that I had picked 7-Up.

What do you call a mom that can’t draw? Tracy.

Yo mama so poor that when she went to KFC, she had to lick other people's fingers.

My boss told me I have a preoccupation with vengeance... We'll see about that!

You're so wonderful that Wonderland booked tickets to meet you!