That jokes

My friend came over to my house. He asked where my girlfriend was, and I told him she is in the garden.

He said, "That's weird, I didn't see her." I said, "You have to dig a little."

What is a cow that's good at math good for?

Meat pie.

Yo mama so ugly that Mr. Rogers doesn’t wanna be her neighbor.

Why does Lincoln like Ronnie Anne?

She is the only one that calls me "lamo."

POV: 11:07 PM At night, reading these when you notice that, like everyone else, you have no life.

You're so ugly that when your mama had you, she tried to give you away, but there was nowhere to give you.

If chickens make chicken nuggies, does that mean dinosaur chickens make Dino nuggies?!?

CONSPIRACY!!!

I should name my dog Ariana Grande.

That way I could say that I fucked Ariana Grande.

My stepdad took me to work, and he told me I could climb trees.

I woke up in a hospital. Wait, did I mention that my stepdad was a lumberjack?

Yo mama so fat that if we cut her open, we could stop world hunger.

Mr. Smith lived in an apartment. In the apartment, he went to the elevator and went to the 16th floor. Then he went to the 21st floor by 5 stairs every morning. Why did he do that?

Because he was too short! So he pressed the highest button he could and walked to his apartment.

What do you call a plate that lies? Dish-onest!

If trees were sentient, they would make their furniture out of bone, flesh, and blood.

Now ain't that cool?

Your mama's so fat that when she went to space, there was no space left.

Your mama's so ugly that when she looks in the mirror, you can see Micah.

What is an animal that kids get for Christmas and can easily give to someone else?

A white elephant.

Hey, you person who's scrolling, please leave your HONEST opinion on life. Do you think "life sucks" or "eh, it's okay," etc.? It can be short; if you don't want to, then that's okay.

Bully: I'm going to hurt you so bad.

You: Well, your IQ is the same amount of teeth I'm about to knock out, so... you're so dumb that you don't even know how to do that.

And your IQ is 5.

In 69, the 6 looks like someone facing up. The 9 looks like someone facing down.

69 looks like 2 people suck each other’s dick. That means, L7.

I would like to remind all passengers that this is a no-smoking flight, although do feel free to join me in the cockpit, where we've opened a window.