That jokes

My friend: You really need to stop the SH jokes.

Me: But they're not that long.

I'll kill a bitch like the policeman did to that white woman. He chopped her up and put her in the woods, the suck fuck.

My sister is the weird dark one and emo of the family. I'm the bright happy one. Once in 3rd grade, I got a huge A on mine, and my sis got a D-.

In the playground near a tree, we were sitting and playing. I said, "Hey, a C- is not that bad," and raised my hand up to give her a high five, but she left me hanging.

Why can't orphans be gay?

They have nobody to call "Daddy~"

Your Mom is so friking fat, that when she ripped her pants and went to the seamster, they said, "We don't sew curtains!"

Yo mama so fat, she was the iceberg that sank the Titanic.

HAIKU JOKE:

Helen Keller could Fuck a blind man so hard that she Ends up with his child.

Your mum is so fat that when she sat on the toilet, she couldn't because her fat ass can't fit on the toilet seat.

Your mom is so fat that when she fell on the sidewalk, nobody laughed, but the sidewalk cracked up.

You look like the type of guy to wash his/her hands after a shower! (And don't write in the comments that there are more than 2 genders.)

- Got myself a bathroom scale so now I know exactly how much I poop.

- Right. So you weigh yourself before and after you poop and calculate the difference? That’s cool.

- Oh...that might actually be even easier.

A pregnant wife and her husband were in a hospital as she was in labor. The doctor suggested using a machine that transfers the birth pains from the mother to the father. They agree, so the machine is used. 40%, the husband feels nothing, 70% still not feeling anything, 100%, nothing.

The doctor says it must be broken. When the pair return home, the milkman is dead in the front yard.

If you don't like my suicidal jokes, sorry man, didn't know it cut that deep.

You caught a Penaldo!

Description: Penaldo, the finished statpadder. It is said that Penaldo drains the energy of its teammates and sells underwears.

Type: Ghost type.

Moves: Dive

Disappear in big games

Cry for pens

Statpad vs farmers

Sells underwear

Is that ass a water barrier 'cause dam[n]?

Once i was walking along the beach and there was a girl with no arms or legs there, i walked by and she said excuse me, will you touch me ive never been touched before, i was like okay so i touched her, i kept on walking along and there was the same girl, she said sir will you kiss me, i went alright so i went up and kissed her, i thought that was weird but anyway i kept walking along and there she was again, she said sir will you fuck me? I went okay so i picked her up and threw her in the ocean and went YOUR FUCKED NOW

The difference between an apple and an orphan is that the apple gets picked.

I was playing Mortal Kombat with my friend when he picked the fighter Pristiano Penaldo. I won and the voice didn't say "Finish him," so I couldn't do a fatality.

I was confused, but I understood that the game didn't let me finish him because he is already finished.

What was the last thing that went through PH's head?

Water and smoke.

I was at school today, and one of my friends said after a test, "Man, that was hard." After that, I started laughing and I said, "That's what she said."