That jokes

When Bob got on that sled, I don't know how he went so smoothly, but that is the invention of bobsled peoples.

And then Mark came in.

Yo mama so dumb that when she saw the "log in" page on her computer, she went and put a log in it.

No joke. I just want to say that my thoughts are with the Ukrainian people, and I wish them the best. Best of luck.

I was reading the news and read that a kid killed his family, and when they interviewed him, he said he wanted to become Batman.

I asked a man if I was the fastest gun in the west. He said my 17 wasn't good enough. After that, a lot of lead went into his head.

A little girl said one day, "Grandma's gonna die tonight!" The next morning, the girl's grandmother's body was found.

That day she said again, "Grandpa's gonna die tonight!" Sure enough, the girl's grandfather died and his body was discovered the next morning.

That day she said, "Daddy's gonna die tonight." The girl's father was terrified. He lay shaking the entire night. Somehow, he survived until morning. His wife came into the room crying. He asked her why she was upset and she said that the postman had died last night.

This kid was crying, so I asked him where his parents were. He just cried harder. I still remember him every time I pass that orphanage.

Little Johnny sits on a chair. He notices he is sitting on something. Then he sees a plastic di**. He asks his mom, "What's that?" and Mom didn't know, so when his dad comes home from work, he sees him with the plastic di** and says, "Son, why you messing with my personal toy?"

You're gay.

Bro, I am straighter than the pole that your mom dances on for me every night.

  • 1

    • DB: I'm the only shotgun with more than 1 barrel!

    Lancaster: Are you sure about that?

    DB: huh?

    Lancaster: I have 4 barrels!

    DB: WHAT!?

    Penta Barrel: I got 5!

    DB: *insert becoming uncanny*

    Dual Hexagon shotgun: I got 12!

    The others: HOW!?

    *and that's how an argument started.*

    A straight man and a gay man are talking. The straight man says, "I'm wanted in 2 states for murder." and the gay man replies with, "Oh, that sucks. I'm wanted in 13 for existing."

  • 4

    • Do you know why the cake doesn't ever fight anyone?

    He says, "Take a peace of that!" while entering a fight.

    My mother told me to be positive, but she said that when I was going to do an AIDS test.

    Do you know the phrase, “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure?” Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted.

    B: Can you please stop roasting me?

    A: At least the "roasting" that I did to you didn't burn you to death.