So, a few hours ago my friend said I need to CUT it out with the s/h jokes... like... it's really not that deep?
This is why orphans are dangerous with cardboard. They either start eating it or making it into a house and hallucinating that they have a family.
So I threw out the cardboard and said, "You have to stay in reality. Fantasies aren't real. You can't and will never get a home."
Next day, they make cardboard parents, so I threw that away and said, "Pay attention to reality; you will never get parents."
Next day, they start acting like parents and tell me what to do. Again, I said, "Snap to reality. You will never be a parent!" The orphan responded with, "Oh, really?! How so?" I just simply said, "You don't have a house and parents. You literally like eating cardboard, and then you make parents out of it. You like to eat old people!"
Three guys are standing in an alley on an alien planet, and the psycho one says, "However many tits your girl has is how many balls you have!"
The first guy says, "Ha! My girlfriend has six! I'm racked up!" The second guy said, "Eh, I am happy with two balls." The third guy said, "Shit! My girlfriend is flat as fuck!"
A guy listening in enters and says, "Bro, you actually have girlfriends. I do not. Does that mean I have a pussy?"
You know they say, when you get lemons make lemonade... Well, I took that a little bit too literal.
Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.
But at least lemonade came out!
i have a fish that can breakdance! only once though, and only for 20 seconds...
Why do eight-year-old girls wear panties with flowers on?
In loving memory of all the faces that were buried in there.
What did the poo say when it fell out of your bum?
"Your anus looks like my mum's bedsheet which is smelly and covered in poo."
I also just wanted to add that a Goonie's anus looks like my nan's mouth.
Damn that joke was so dark a cop almost shot it
Ur forehead is so big that it said to be continued
Why do orphans wish they had a bounty on them so that they can be wanted
Your forehead is so big that when you put glasses on top of your head, it falls off.
What did the female rapist say at her hearing?
"Well that boy's dick was inside me and you know what you metoo people say, 'my body my choice.'"
you mom so fat that buegr
You're so ugly, when a pig saw you, it thought that you were their family member.
Your breath is so bad that when Santa came to your house for your present, he brought toothpaste.
Little Sally found out that she had hair on her private area and went up to her mom and asked "mom I have hair on my privates, what is it?" "OH, honey that's your monkey." The mom says So little Sally runs up to her big sister and says "my monkey has hair on it" the sister replies with a laugh "you think that's cool my monkey is already eating bananas
Did you know that McDonald's made a Michael Jackson burger?
It’s a 50-year-old piece of meat in a 12-year-old bun.
Guys, we should not make fun of 9/11. Like, that stuff is just plain out crazy. Like, you all should not let that fly.
your hairline is so bad that the queen died when looking at it
What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to the men he took home that said they were hungry? "I've got Ben and Jerry's in the freezer."
