That jokes

Hospital

5 views ·

Why can’t mental hospitals have Halloween?

Because the patients thought the pumpkins were them. I tried.

Mom

10 views ·

Your mom is so fat that when she went on the scale, it said, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"

Mom

6 views ·

Your mom is so fat that when God said, "Let there be light," he asked your mom to move out of the way.

Remote

10 views ·

Kid: "Mom, I had a scary dream. Can I come sleep with you and dad?"

Mom: "Sure, sweetie, sleep in the middle."

Kid: "Dad, can you get the remote out of my back?"

Dad: "That isn't the remote."

*Weird background music*

Therapy

If a person kills their counselor, does that mean that they don't need therapy anymore?

Orphanage

4 views ·

All of you guys in this orphanage are ABCDEFGHIJK.

What's that? said the orphans.

Attractive, brilliant, cute, darling, elegant, funny, gorgeous, and hot.

What's the IJK?

I'm just kidding! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Sex

14 views ·

I asked the little German girl to rate our sex between 1-10. She kept crying and shouting "9!"

That's the best I've done so far.

Man

25 views ·

Why did an old man fall in a well? Because he couldn’t see that well!

Why did the actor fall through the floorboards? They were going through a stage!

Why did a scarecrow win a Nobel prize? He was outstanding in his field!

Why are peppers the best at archery? Because they habanero!

What did the duck say after she bought chapstick? Put it on my bill!

What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!

What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into a saloon? “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw!”

How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow? It is either one or the udder!

What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint!

What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter!

Ghost

34 views ·

I was in a haunted house today. Nothing scared me until I reached the last room, where I saw the scariest Halloween ghost I've ever seen. He took my pens and ghosted. I was told that I saw Pristiano Penaldo and I was lucky enough to see him because he performs once in a blue moon.

COVID-19

19 views ·

Dr. Fauci would be surprised to know that R. Kelly didn't catch COVID-19.

But since COVID is 19, it's too old for him.