That jokes

Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire.

That made my father very mad, as we didn’t have a fireplace.

I got barred from Weight Watchers today.

It wasn't my fault; it was the fat ass next to me who spilled her box of Maltesers onto the floor in the middle of the room. All I did was say that it was the funniest game of Hungry Hungry Hippos that I have ever seen.

Did you know that they are making a movie about the four boys who lost their lives on the ice? They're calling the movie "The Lost Boys."

This joke is so that this reaches 69 jokes.

"Hey, look, that plane is getting bigge-"

Your hairline is so bent that Bob the Builder couldn't fix it.

What do you call a German that can't see? A Notsee.

I saw a kid in a wheelchair and I screamed, "EXTREME PARKOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Imagine if the kid in a wheelchair was in Fast and Furious. His wheelchair is the only one that keeps him going.

Your hairline is so far back that even my dad wasn't fetching the milk back then.

If I had a dime for everytime the Australian president shat himself in a McDonald's, I would have one dime, which is not a lot, but it's weird that it happened.

Your forehead is so big that the teachers used it as a whiteboard.

Your forehead is so big that your mom stayed in the delivery room just to give birth to your head.

Your forehead is so big that it's a 20 dollar taxi ride from your eyebrow to your hairline.

Russia is so corrupt that Putin was voted most sexiest man.

Short girl: "How do you see up there?"

Tall guy: "Who said that?"

I spit my drink out and then ran away.

What does a website have that an orphan doesn't? A home.

Why is it that orphans love Frisbees so much?

Because they return eventually.

What does Batman have that Superman doesn't?

The ability to visit his biological parents' grave.

Did you know that Stephen Hawking's death was an accident because he pressed "shut down" instead of "sleep mode?"

What is the thing that orphans miss the most?

Their parents.