I intern at an orphanage that burned down this weekend with 30 kids inside.
Thankfully, I don’t have to call and tell their parents.
Your mom is so fat that Dora couldn't explore her.
So the other day, I was looking up zodiac sign stuff, you know, I'm a real big fan of that, and I come across this thing and it’s like all zodiac signs have their own hairstyles... except Cancer.
Once, there was a woman who had a husband and a dog. The husband dies.
The dog would always sleep under the bed, and when the woman would go to sleep, she'd put her hand down, and the dog would lick it to say she/he was alright. One night, it was thunderstorming. She put her hand down and the dog licked normally. She heard the dog whimper, so she put her hand down like normal, as the dog always does, he/she licks her hand.
Then she heard dripping coming from the bathroom, so she went to go stop the leaking that might be coming from the tap, but the tap wasn't on, nor was it dripping. She turns on the light and looks up at the roof to see if the roof was leaking but turns out her dog was hung by its head above the bathtub.
On the mirror it said, "Humans can lick too," in the dog's blood.
This is a true story, don't be afraid to look it up!
Ur dad oh wait you don’t have that
Ur mom is so fat that she brang a spoon to the superbowl
His hairline is so ugly that Martin Luther King had a dream about it.
Your hairline is so far back that when I put on my glasses, I thought I saw an "M" for McDonald's on your hairline.
pilot: *over intercom* we're all going to die.
passengers: *start freaking out*
pilot: all of us will one day, no one knows when.
passengers: *sigh with relief*
pilot: but it'll probably be when we hit that mountain.
What do you call a retard that got hit by a car? Mashed potatoes
When I was born, I saw you at the adoption center alone.
That day your dad got milk. 😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬
me: how many letters are in the alphabet? that one friend: 11- T-H-E-- A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T
Hi, my name is Uncle Joe, and I like kids in a way that makes their parents not trust me anymore.
Your mini pecker is so small, the taxi driver said the ride was so short that he'd do it for free.
Emos are weird to me because they dress up all black, and you know I don't like that, so that's why I don't like it.
Yo forehead so big, an airplane can use that as a runway!
Ur mum -oh wait,you don’t have that
The best joke: you. O wait, I can't even say that because jokes have meaning.
Your forehead is so big that it could carry the passengers of the Titanic.
Your hairline's so far back that Dora the Explorer couldn't find it.
