Tell jokes

How do you find a black person in the dark without a flashlight?

Tell them a joke to make them smile.

To anger a Libertarian lie to him, to anger a Democrat tell him the truth, to anger a Republican sodomize him.

I got suspended for telling the emo kid to hang in there.

I wasn't going to tell another emo joke, but I didn't want to leave anyone hanging.

Every time you feel lucky to have your mother in your life, what should you tell her?

I really hit the mother lode with you!

Guys, we should stop telling orphan jokes. Their parents will get mad. Oh...

A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, "I'm sorry, but you only have 10 left."

The patient asks him, "Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?"

The doctor calmly looks at him and says, "Nine."

What did one skeleton say to the other?

Skeleton 1: "I need a hand!"

Skeleton 2: (Throws up hand)

Skeleton 1: "That wasn't very humerus."

Skeleton 2: "Why do you have to be so heartless?"

Skeleton 1: "At least I had the guts to tell you!"

Person: You suck!

Me: Tell that to your mom, and she’ll say the same thing, honey. 😎

I was outside digging a six-foot hole when I found a treasure box with jewels and shiny gems! I almost went inside to tell my wife, then I remembered why I was digging the hole.

Don't tell me I haven't got balls. I just happen to wear mine on my chest, and I can guarantee they're a lot bigger than yours!

I would tell you a time travel joke, but you did not like it.

Why do pirates say, "Argh my Hardees?"

Because that's how you tell when they have the hards.

Women be like don't tell me what to wear, proceeds to tell men what to wear.

I wanted to tell a commie a joke about food, but he’d have to wait 10 years to get it.

Hey, how ya doin'?

Well I'm doin' just fine, I lied, I'm DEAD inside.

Don't tell me "it's gonna be alright," I've tried, but I can't fight like this.

Hey how ya doin', I'm tired but I'm trying to fight.

Why can you bully orphans?

What are they gonna do, tell their parents? Oh wait, they got no parents.

Man: Stop with these orphan jokes!

Me: Why? Are they going to tell their parents on me?

Go to an orphanage and tell a kid his parents came back.

A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Puerto Rican!"

Then the blonde replies, "OMG, you dirty little slut! How many is a Puerto Rican?"