Tell jokes

How can you tell a bow n' arrows scared?

He starts to quiver! ;)

Doctor: I have bad news and really bad news.

Patient: What's the bad news?

Doctor: You have 24 hours to live.

Patient: What's the really bad news?

Doctor: I forgot to tell you yesterday.

A doctor is telling three women what they are addicted to.

He says to the first one, "You are addicted to money, you named your daughter Penny."

He says to the second one, "You are addicted to food, you named your daughter Candy."

Then the third one whispers to her son, "Come on, Dick, let's go."

When your mum tells you to help your granny And you in plug life support.

Give a blind kid a gun and tell him it's a hair dryer.

I was naughty at school and my teacher said she's going to tell my dad. I was like, "Who's that?"

How do you know if someone is a vegan or has run a marathon?

They'll tell you.

Why is it so punny when Sans tells a joke in the evening?

Because a SANSET is happening.

I'm thinking about telling my daughter there's a ghost in the house. At least then I can wear a bed sheet at night and fuck her without her being suspicious.

The teacher told me to put my MP3 away, so I brought out my MP5. Now that bitch knows what not to tell me.

When I was acting up, my mother used to tell me, "I brought you into this world, and I will take you out. I gave you life, and I can also take it." So my son was acting up and talking back to me. Now I'm being charged with murder. I don't understand. I thought it was okay to kill your own kids.

A blind man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bartender replies with, "I'm blonde, the man working next to me is blonde, the woman next to you is blonde, and the fat guy behind you is blonde." Then says, "Do you really wanna tell the blonde joke?" The blind guy responds with, "No, I don't wanna tell it that many times."

My friend was a victim of a school shooting once, but he couldn't tell if they were in the library because of the suppressor on his AR.

Once I tried to tell my friend a joke about dead people... but it went six feet underground...

Orphan: "I get all the A pluses and y'all bad!"

And then I told him: "If you feel so special, try telling your parents. You can't, can you?"

Most people think an octopus has 8 legs.

Actually, they have 6 legs and 2 arms. How can you tell which are the arms?

Hit it on the head. The two that go up to the head when he says "Owwww" are his arms.

I love telling dad jokes. He always laughs.

At weddings, old people tell kids, "You're next!"

At funerals, little kids tell old people, "You're next!"

Don't ever tell somebody depressed to try again.

I can tell you an airplane joke, but it will probably fly over your head.