Tell jokes

God, I love telling children their parents love them, but only on April Fools'. They're orphans, after all.

So I was digging in the garden and I found some treasure. I was gonna tell my wife when I remembered why I was digging in the garden.

After getting in the White House, D. Trump gets a letter...

...from the Iranian president. He opens it and to his surprise there is a paper with a weird looking code on it:

370HSSV 0773H

All confused, Trump contacts the FBI and forwards the letter to them in hope they can figure out the meaning, but they weren't able to. Trump gets angry and sends the letter to both the CIA and NSA, and they also fail to figure out the meaning of the letter.

One of the agents suggests Trump ask for MI6's help, so he does and few minutes after a British agent sends a fax to his secretary:

"Tell your president he was holding the letter upside down."

"My grandmother used to tell us a joke. She’d say, "Knock knock." We’d say, "Who’s there?" Then she’d say, "I can’t remember"... and start to cry."

The 6th-grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?”

No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, “You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!”

Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, “Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?”

Little Mary’s mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, “Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!”

The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, “Anybody?”

Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, “The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye.”

Mrs. Parks said, “Very good, Billy,” then turned to Mary and continued.

“As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: One, you have a dirty mind. Two, you didn’t read your homework. And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed.”

Me: Tells a racist joke on the internet and no one bats an eye.

Also me: Tells the same joke at KFC and everybody loses their mind.

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain, who name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mother.

Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds: "They're twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

Don't ever tell somebody depressed to try again.

I got sent to the principal's office after telling the kid in the wheelchair to do a wheelie.

I walked into an orphanage and a kid was crying. I asked him what was wrong and he said some kids were bullying him. I told him to go tell his parents.

Why can't orphans really play baseball?

Because when they do, all the other kids tell that joke that everyone has heard more than 50 times.

Tell an old person to pretend [they are] shaking salt in their mouth... you'll see!

How do you get an orphan to go to sleep?

Tell them their parents are waiting when they wake up.

My grandma was telling me to be positive, as I was going in for an AIDS test.

A hot woman is ready to jump from a bridge and commit suicide when an ugly, stinky homeless man comes up to her and tells her, "Oh baby, you so hot, let's fuck!"

She just yells, "Get the fuck away, you creep!"

He just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."

Why is it okay to hit orphans?

It's not like they can tell their parents.

When you suffer from depression and someone tells you to just cheer up, god damn, why didn't I think of that?

My homework was to watch as much porn as I can... and tell my teacher the details so he won't get in trouble for watching it during class.

My wife says sex is even better on holiday. I wish she didn’t tell me via email.

How I Punch my Brother: Wooden Sword.

How he is telling Dad: Diamond Sword.

How hard my Dad is gonna punch me: Warden Punch.