When the quiet kid tells you not to go to school the next day, but your mom makes you go anyway.
Tell Jokes
A man tells his doctor, "Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!"
The doctor replies, "Sorry, I don’t follow you..."
It is reported that when Churchill met Stalin at Yalta, they discussed their hobbies.
Churchill said: "I collect the jokes people tell me about me."
"That's a coincidence," said Stalin, "I collect the people who tell jokes about me."
How do you keep a moron in suspense?
I'll tell you tomorrow!
My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest, telling her we can get married once she makes her way out.
How do you know if there's a vegan in the room?
Wait 2 minutes and they'll tell you.
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricant.
Riddler: Riddle me this, are you scared of the big black?
Person: Big black what?
Riddler: ...
Person: I'm scared of what you mean because you won't tell me what you mean.
I tell dad jokes all the time even though I’m not actually a dad.
I’m a faux pa.
How do you trick a homophobic heterosexual male that is a Roman Catholic priest into using the glory hole inside the men's restroom at a gay bar?
Tell him that it is a confessional booth.
How do you tell whether you’ve satisfied a redhead?
She unlocks the handcuffs.
An ICE agent tells a Mexican that he can get his green card if he can use green, pink, and yellow correctly in a sentence. The Mexican thinks for a minute and says, "My phone goes green, green, and I pink it up and say yellow."
I love telling dad jokes. He always laughs.
How do you anger a white Christian nationalist?
Tell him the truth.
SPOILER ALERT...
I was going to tell you a joke about Thanos, but T. S. snapped it away!
I would tell you a science joke, but I know I won't get a reaction.
Why can't you tell an Indian a secret? Because the red dot means they're recording!
A husband came back from a business trip and found out that his wife was pregnant. At first, he got a bit suspicious, but then he just ignored it and hugged his wife with happiness. The second when he met his friend and told him the news, the friend just said, "Wait, what? I thought she was on pills!"
This dad went out hunting, he killed a deer. He came home and he and his wife decided to have it for dinner but not tell their kids. Instead, they made them guess. The dad said, "It's something that daddy calls mommy." The little girl yells to her brother, "Don't eat it! It's an ass!"
A blonde walks into the doctor's office. She tells the doctor, "My boyfriend has dandruff."
The doctor tells her to use Head and Shoulders. She leaves. About an hour later, the doctor's phone rings. He answers, it's the blonde. The doctor asks how he can help her. "Well doctor, I understand head, but how do you 'hove' shoulders?"
