Tell jokes

What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

Tell her to slow down and use lubricant.

How do you piss off a midget?

Give them a yo-yo and tell them to play with it.

I tell dad jokes all the time even though I’m not actually a dad.

I’m a faux pa.

Riddler: Riddle me this, are you scared of the big black?

Person: Big black what?

Riddler: ...

Person: I'm scared of what you mean because you won't tell me what you mean.

I used to believe everything in the Bible until I read about the Jew giving out the free fish.

If your wife has boxes and boxes ending up at your front door from her online shopping habit, tell her that you’ve only had one box through the marriage and that she should be happy.

Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?

So you can tell them apart from the feminists.

I love telling dad jokes. He always laughs.

How do you anger a white Christian nationalist?

Tell him the truth.

Why can't you tell an Indian a secret? Because the red dot means they're recording!

Don't ever tell somebody depressed to try again.

Tell an old person to pretend [they are] shaking salt in their mouth... you'll see!

Why can't orphans really play baseball?

Because when they do, all the other kids tell that joke that everyone has heard more than 50 times.

I walked into an orphanage and a kid was crying. I asked him what was wrong and he said some kids were bullying him. I told him to go tell his parents.

I got sent to the principal's office after telling the kid in the wheelchair to do a wheelie.

How I Punch my Brother: Wooden Sword.

How he is telling Dad: Diamond Sword.

How hard my Dad is gonna punch me: Warden Punch.

My grandma was telling me to be positive, as I was going in for an AIDS test.

How do you get an orphan to go to sleep?

Tell them their parents are waiting when they wake up.

"Hey, don’t take my toy! What are you going to tell your parents?"

My wife says sex is even better on holiday. I wish she didn’t tell me via email.