Tell jokes

I walked into an orphanage and a kid was crying. I asked him what was wrong and he said some kids were bullying him. I told him to go tell his parents.

Why can't orphans really play baseball?

Because when they do, all the other kids tell that joke that everyone has heard more than 50 times.

Tell an old person to pretend [they are] shaking salt in their mouth... you'll see!

Don't ever tell somebody depressed to try again.

I got sent to the principal's office after telling the kid in the wheelchair to do a wheelie.

When the quiet kid tells you not to go to school the next day, but your mom makes you go anyway.

How I Punch my Brother: Wooden Sword.

How he is telling Dad: Diamond Sword.

How hard my Dad is gonna punch me: Warden Punch.

Man: How do you prepare your chicken?

Waiter: Nothing special, we just tell them they’re going to die.

My wife says sex is even better on holiday. I wish she didn’t tell me via email.

"Hey, don’t take my toy! What are you going to tell your parents?"

How do you get an orphan to go to sleep?

Tell them their parents are waiting when they wake up.

A hot woman is ready to jump from a bridge and commit suicide when an ugly, stinky homeless man comes up to her and tells her, "Oh baby, you so hot, let's fuck!"

She just yells, "Get the fuck away, you creep!"

He just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."

Why is it okay to hit orphans?

It's not like they can tell their parents.

My grandma was telling me to be positive, as I was going in for an AIDS test.

When you suffer from depression and someone tells you to just cheer up, god damn, why didn't I think of that?

A man tells his doctor, "Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!"

The doctor replies, "Sorry, I don’t follow you..."

It is reported that when Churchill met Stalin at Yalta, they discussed their hobbies.

Churchill said: "I collect the jokes people tell me about me."

"That's a coincidence," said Stalin, "I collect the people who tell jokes about me."

SPOILER ALERT...

I was going to tell you a joke about Thanos, but T. S. snapped it away!

How do you keep a moron in suspense?

I'll tell you tomorrow!

I tell dad jokes all the time even though I’m not actually a dad.

I’m a faux pa.