New Television Jokes - Page 3

British tv: 🖥

Italian tv: 📺

So this dude comes home from work one day, and his wife is watching the Food Network.

The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still can't cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still can't f*ck."

What is the fastest way to spread a rumor?

Telephone? No.

Television? No.

How then? Tell a woman!

Git is going to let Bill Cosby out of jail. Oh wait, he watched Little Bill.

Your hairline goes so far back even Dora the Explorer couldn’t find it.

What are emos' favorite TV show theme song?

Beyblade, Beyblade, let it rip!

While I was waiting for your mum to waddle past, I missed a whole season of my TV show!

Your mum is so fat, when she reached for the remote, when she found it, it was crushed.

Yo mama so fat, she was mistaken for Eric Cartman from South Park.

TV Darth Vader: "I'm your father!"

Orphans: "Yea."

I woke up one night and it was really dark in my room. Then my TV started to float out the window. I said, "Drop it, nig-"

Your mama is so stupid, Patrick Starr ran away because he thought she might be contagious.

Why is Kanye West's haircut actually years of work by many doctors to piece together skull fragments like a jigsaw puzzle?

Because Kanye once interrupted Chuck Norris on the set of "Walker Texas Ranger."

What do orphans and TVs have in common?

At least one of them has a home.

Stig

Why does Wednesday Addams never blink?

Mom asks, "Why are you are THIS show??? It's DISTRACTING you from SCHOOL!!!!!"

The child says, "Don't you mean SCHOOL is distracting ME from this AWESOME show?"

Mom whispers, "Oh, you DEAD."

I see 2 fighting with 3. "What's going on?" I ask. 5 responds: "The numbers are moving on up."

One day my friend said: "I want tacos from Katie's, you?" and I said no thanks and she left. I never saw her again. Today I remember that I saw her name on TV as one of the victims of suicide, then I remember her and my motto: "If I'm dying, you're dying with me, you got no choice." I NEVER ate tacos from Katie's again.