Your mum is so fat, when she reached for the remote, when she found it, it was crushed.
Yo mama so fat, she was mistaken for Eric Cartman from South Park.
TV Darth Vader: "I'm your father!"
Orphans: "Yea."
I woke up one night and it was really dark in my room. Then my TV started to float out the window. I said, "Drop it, nig-"
Why is Kanye West's haircut actually years of work by many doctors to piece together skull fragments like a jigsaw puzzle?
Because Kanye once interrupted Chuck Norris on the set of "Walker Texas Ranger."
What do orphans and TVs have in common?
At least one of them has a home.
Stig
Why does Wednesday Addams never blink?
Mom asks, "Why are you are THIS show??? It's DISTRACTING you from SCHOOL!!!!!"
The child says, "Don't you mean SCHOOL is distracting ME from this AWESOME show?"
Mom whispers, "Oh, you DEAD."
I see 2 fighting with 3. "What's going on?" I ask. 5 responds: "The numbers are moving on up."
One day my friend said: "I want tacos from Katie's, you?" and I said no thanks and she left. I never saw her again. Today I remember that I saw her name on TV as one of the victims of suicide, then I remember her and my motto: "If I'm dying, you're dying with me, you got no choice." I NEVER ate tacos from Katie's again.
What's the worst TV series for orphans?
Family Guy.
What's an orphan's least favorite show? Family Guy ;)
It’s not like they can watch it anyway: it’s PG.
Christopher Walkin: "This is a literal universal remote! It actually controls your life! You can pause, you can rewi-"
Me: power button.
My family was watching Home Alone 2, so whenever Kevin was at the top of the Twin Towers, I threw a paper airplane at the T.V.
Your mum is so fat that when she walked past the television, I missed a whole series of SpongeBob.
Stan says shut the f**k up or sit your ass down on that b***h chair!
Kid: "Mom, I had a scary dream. Can I come sleep with you and dad?"
Mom: "Sure, sweetie, sleep in the middle."
Kid: "Dad, can you get the remote out of my back?"
Dad: "That isn't the remote."
*Weird background music*
Tj's hairline is so far back, Blue's Clues can't find it.
What does a blind man crying and an unplugged TV have in common?
Nothing can be seen when they get turned on.
