Little Johnny was watching TV when he heard the TV say "bitch" and "bastard." He went over to his dad and said, "What is a bitch and bastard?" His dad looked at him surprised and said, "A bitch is a female, a bastard is a mailman." Johnny went back to the TV and heard them say "ass" and "shit," so he goes back to his dad and asks, "What shit and ass mean?" His dad says, "A shit is shaving cream like what I'm putting on my face, and ass is a coat, why don't you bug your mom?" Johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say "fuck," so Johnny goes over to his mom and says to her, "What does fuck mean, mom?" She looks over at him and says, "Fuck means carving, like what I'm doing to this turkey!" A few minutes later, Johnny hears a knock on the door. He walks over and answers it. He then says, "Welcome bitch and bastard, may I take your ass?" The people, looking horrified, then ask where his parents are. Johnny responds with, "My dad is putting shit on his face and my mom is fucking the turkey!"
Television Jokes
Why can't a homeless person be in "The Boys?"
Because he would have beef with Homelander.
One, I grow some som more, yea, I am 4. I'm Caillou, I'm Caillou, I'm Caillou, that's me.
What do people ask on a Friday night?
"Hey, wanna go to the Barb?"
What is Steve Harrington's favorite musical?
Hairspray.
Where do feminists go when they die? "Hell's Kitchen."
Why is Homelander an orphan's favorite superhero?
Because they can actually land a home.
Why can't orphans watch "The Simpsons"?
Because they don't know who's Homer.
Why was Elon Musk unable to land a job as a television host at NBC?
His own car cannot catch up with Jay Leno's Corvette!
I'm not racist, I have a colored TV.
Why did Dad Man quit acting?
I don’t know either.
What is a Manchester United fan’s favourite TV channel? The History Channel.
Why can't orphans play video games?
Because they don't have a home screen.
People always ask what the secret of our family's happiness is. It is simple really.
1. Television and computer games are limited to a couple of hours each week.
2. We all give each other a hand when needed.
Last but not least, we play Twister.
What's an African's favorite TV show?
Meal Or No Meal!
What show do gay men watch?
"2 and a Half Men!"
Lol at this one fellas!
My friend said he wanted to die, and I told him not to jump. But when he screamed, "Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville, and welcome to Jackass!" I knew it was over.
News: Ook! says an interviewed monkey.
The other day I started watching Game of Thrones.
I told my friend about it. Told him all about the violence, murder, decapitation, gore, sex, gay sex, midget sex, prostitution, rape, paedophilia, incest, and inbreeding... And he was like: "Oh, so you're still on the first episode then?"
What is an orphan's least favorite TV show? Family Guy.
