Television jokes
Tj's hairline is so far back, Blue's Clues can't find it.
What does a blind man crying and an unplugged TV have in common?
Nothing can be seen when they get turned on.
Where’s the English Channel?
Johnny: “I don’t know. My television doesn’t pick it up.”
I saw this advert in a window that said: “Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full.” I thought, “I can’t turn that down.”
What TV series do orphans hate?
"House, M.D."
What was JFK's favorite school TV show?
BrainPop.
Why do orphans hate Cocomelon?
Because the parents are in every episode.
What is an orphan's favorite show?
"Family Guy."
Walter White.
Why does Elmo turn emo? Because he's Elmo emo.
"My name is Walter Hartwell White. I live at 308 Negra Arroyo Lane, Albuquerque, New Mexico, 87104."
Little Johnny was watching TV when he heard the TV say "bitch" and "bastard." He went over to his dad and said, "What is a bitch and bastard?" His dad looked at him surprised and said, "A bitch is a female, a bastard is a mailman." Johnny went back to the TV and heard them say "ass" and "shit," so he goes back to his dad and asks, "What shit and ass mean?" His dad says, "A shit is shaving cream like what I'm putting on my face, and ass is a coat, why don't you bug your mom?" Johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say "fuck," so Johnny goes over to his mom and says to her, "What does fuck mean, mom?" She looks over at him and says, "Fuck means carving, like what I'm doing to this turkey!" A few minutes later, Johnny hears a knock on the door. He walks over and answers it. He then says, "Welcome bitch and bastard, may I take your ass?" The people, looking horrified, then ask where his parents are. Johnny responds with, "My dad is putting shit on his face and my mom is fucking the turkey!"
Why can't a homeless person be in "The Boys?"
Because he would have beef with Homelander.
One, I grow some som more, yea, I am 4. I'm Caillou, I'm Caillou, I'm Caillou, that's me.
What do people ask on a Friday night?
"Hey, wanna go to the Barb?"
What is Steve Harrington's favorite musical?
Hairspray.
Where do feminists go when they die? "Hell's Kitchen."
Why is Homelander an orphan's favorite superhero?
Because they can actually land a home.
Why can't orphans watch "The Simpsons"?
Because they don't know who's Homer.
Why was Elon Musk unable to land a job as a television host at NBC?
His own car cannot catch up with Jay Leno's Corvette!