Technology jokes

The only reason he died was because Virgin Media wifi crashed.

You know what really grinds my gears? Robots and liars...for example that Stephen Hawking fella. He sure looks and sounds like a robot!! And a major liar too! If he wanted to show me how smart he really was he would have figured out how to get up out of that four wheeler and tell me how smart he is!!!!!

Damn, this computer stopped working. It's got autism.

So I'm the cable guy around the neighborhood, and I do everybody's cable. So I walked into this one house, and I noticed a little kid and the mom was upstairs. I was asking where her mom was, and she wasn't answering, and it looked like something was wrong, so I asked if anything was wrong. She didn't answer, so I kind of raised my voice at her, but she still didn't answer, and then I realized the hearing aid in her ear.

"I told my kids not to spend all day at a computer, but then I realized I do that myself."

Psyonix's OCE servers.

When you try to close a Google ad because it was covering content, but it was covered by "Ad closed by Google."

How were Stephen Hawking's best mates, Siri and Google?

Why haven't they just tried turning Stephen Hawking on and off?

Parents: Why do you use your phone on the toilet?

Me: The same reason you read the newspaper on the toilet.

I saw a cyclist in the road today, so I ran over him and he said in a robotic voice, "SHUTTING DOWN!"

Looks like he never charged up fully.

Stephen Hawking never used a condom. He used a firewall.

What do you call an Asian phone? Wing Wing.

Your mom is so ugly that she uses Snapchat filters to make her pretty.

What were Stephen Hawking's last words?

......

What’s the difference between a gay guy and a microwave?

A microwave doesn’t brown your meat.

What kind of tests do rappers always pass?

Sound checks!

How do butts communicate?

By using CRACK-BERRIES!

What do you get when you cross a butt with a phone?

A booty call.