Technology jokes
Do you know who invented paper?
Cai Lun!
“RIP” Cai Lun.
Friend, you so faaaat.
Me: Boy, at least I'm not built like a Nintendo Switch.
Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas, and it's still printing.
Stephen Hawking's last words were, "Ethernet cable not detected, shutting down."
org.springframework.beans.factory.BeanCreationException: Error creating a bean with name X.
So I saw a 15 year old kid near a 15 year old girl checking her out.
Then I told him, "What are you doing?"
He told me he will decorate her locker, donate a lot of money to her, and buy her a lot of stuff.
He then told me how easy would that be?
I told him: "That sounds pretty SIMPle."
Tech administrator of a school: Hm, a message from Google security?
Tech administrator of a school: OH SHIT!
Assistant: WHAT, WHAT, TELL ME?
Tech administrator of a school: WE'VE BEEN COMPROMISED, WE FORGOT TO SECURE THE SITE!
Assistant: OK, OK, THE KEY IS NOT TO PANIC... let's call the school board.
A FEW MOMENTS LATER
Head of school board: HAHAHAHAHAHA! That's a good one, almost as good as the one with Jack, Jill, and the ripped condom! HAHAHAHAHAHA
Tech administrator of a school: HAHAHA yeah I know right *whispers* you are playing it cool, right?
Head of school board: *whispers* yeah we're fucked...
TWO HOURS LATER
Important fat people in one room: OH FUCK OH NO, HELP PLEASE!!!!! WAIT, HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO TELL THE PARENTS ABOUT THEIR STOLEN INFORMATION!!!
AND SO THAT WAS THE BIRTH OF RIOTING TEACHER
What is the difference between a human and a magic car 🚗?
A magic car can fly, and a house 🏡 cannot fly.
For Stephen Hawking, why is being drunk and having his power shut out the same?
He blacks out.
What will Donald Trump build in our devices?
A firewall.
What kind of knight puts dumb jokes on the internet?
You!
59009 flip it backwards on your calculator... it = boobs!
Who needs storage on a computer? Just use an Asian's brain.
How did Steven Hawkings die?
His wife tripped over his charging plug when he was at 2% battery.
How did the skeleton know it was about to rain?
"Because he felt it in his bones?"
No,
He read the weather app, you idiot.
You do not spell "computer" like this; you spell it like this: "cumputer."
What is a great 👍 for?
Fun.
My sister just sits on the toilet with her iPad, then I go to do something at the sink and she says, "Bella, give me toilet paper!" Then I am annoyed, like super annoyed.
The reason he died is that they accidentally flipped the wrong light switch.
I saw Stephen Hawking using an ATM. It is nice to see he had found someone before he shut down.