Technology jokes
Brother 2: We have these weird circles on the street! Government is tracking us!!!
Brother 1: They are just to sense cars so they can change lights. And it's the government.
Brother 2: Then why are there two in the left turn lane?
Brother 1: So one car isn't always going left and stopping the others.
Brother 2: Then why are they one car apart? Oh, to have three people going.
Brother 1: Correct. When I see one car on the first, I go on the second so my light changes.
Brother 2: You monster.
Brother 1: I wonder if they trigger by weight?
Brother 2: HA. Yo mama would trigger the sensor.
Brother 1: ARG. It's OUR MAMA you're disrespecting.
Mother (brother 1): What's going on boys? *looks in mirror* HOLY SH@& SHE IS PRETTY!
Brother 2: I think you should take your pills.
Brother 1: Found them.
*imaginary mother and brother fade away*
Thank you ELECTROBOOM for inspiring this joke/sh!t. Go subb to him.
Btw the (1) means it is just imaginary brother one acting like another brother.
My mom said I rely on my devices too much, so I unplugged her life support.
What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
Virgin Mobile.
1950: In the future there will be flying cars.
2018: Pewdiepie shuts down Shane Dawson.
It took Jesus 3 days to respond.
Worst lag ever!
Memes
Me during quarantine
If Stephen Hawking was in a horror movie, would he make his robot try and shout, "Aaaaaaaah! Help me, I can't move! I'm too scared!"?
Why is the iPhone 7 not a smartphone?
It doesn't know jack.
How many guns can an octopus hold?
9
There was a woman named Sally. She loved to have sex with other people. One time, she had sex with me. I noticed her bra size was 69 (+69). That is fucking big!
Ok, then when her partner was pissing, he told her she should call the doctor. So she dialed 2063512000 (+2000) and called the doctor. The office was on 51st street ave NE (+51). Holy shit, the doctor said! The boots were so big that she had to take 8 pills (x 8). The next morning, she was ________.
69 + 51 + 2000 x 8 = 16120
58008 (flip calculator)
Boobless.
I gave an orphan an iPhone with no home button.
Man from 2001 just called. They want a tower back.
Guy: Hey, Siri, I failed my final exams, can you cheer me up?
Siri: What’s the difference between you and your grandma? Your grandma passed!
I tried to search stuff about 9/11 for a research project, but it didn’t work... I guess the site crashed.
I asked the emo at my school if he got jealous when his phone died.
The Stephen Hawking space telescope will be launched next year. Apparently, it will have four wheels and run off Windows 7.
Your momma is so fat, she was in a movie and the screen broke!
I got jealous when my phone died.
I wish we could implant all parts because I could have used some car parts from Stephen Hawking after he died.
Why can’t orphans have an iPhone?
Because they can’t find the home button!
What do robots 🤖 shave with?
Laser blades!