Technology jokes
A new feature that we are bringing to the Olympics is 3D viewing. So if you're watching the javelin, I would look away now.
What was Stephen Hawking's least favorite invention? The walkie-talkie.
Your mom's so fat, the photo from last Christmas is still printing!
What did Steven Hawking say when the WiFi cut out?.........Nothing.
Gaming with the gaming controller.
I made a website to support orphans.
It just needs a home page.
What do you get when you cross a lawn mower and a parakeet?
Shredded tweet!
Did you know that an orphan can take a selfie and a family photo at the same time?
Why does a robot malfunction when they get sad?
Because they have a break down.
What did the cell phone say to his wife?
"I will give you a ring."
I'm shocked, my new toaster isn't waterproof.
My grandfather said we rely on technology too much, so I unplugged his life support. Luckily, I remember his last words: "You little bastard!"
Why do bugs hate the internet?
Because they always get caught.
Get it? Inter-net?
Sell PC.
Go to Croatia.
Try to fly to the US to meet female.
US won't let me in.
End up in Norway.
Female leaves me.
Female gets arrested by feds.
Feds read all my messages and see my dick pics.
Just another day in the defib life.
Why couldn't an orphan use a fighter jet?
Because he couldn't use the homing missiles.
Why did the school go remote?
Because the teachers wanted to play with remotes!
You: Find a time clock that can change time.
Your friend the next day: Hey, can I borrow yo' house?
You: No, I'm trying to figure out what to do with my TIME!
Also you: Changes the time back to 1267 so you don't have to have that friend again.
Dad/Mom: Son, you're adopted.
Son: I know. *holds up daddy's phone that has the text of them talking about it.*
Dad: Babe, we need to talk.
Mom: Okay......
Dad: He's grounded.
Mom: You're right, you're grounded! Oh, and I'm dumping you.
Son: Am I getting a new daddy?
Mom: Soon honey, soon....
Dad: I really shouldn't have let her know I cheating.
Why can't orphans close their video games?
Because they can't find the home button.
Your computer just went in my bathroom and took a shit because you put too much chili in the bowl.