What’s the difference between a photocopier and the flu?
One makes facsimiles; the other makes sick families.
If your controller ever dies, remember those people that died on the submersible.
What is the difference between an orphan and a TV?
One has more channels.
Yo mama so fat she is the Google JavaScript loading.
Me: I been up all night, no sleep--
The lie detector I didn’t know I had: Lie.
Me: stfu! I’m just singing!
Lie detector: You literally listen to music all the time... you almost don’t even sleep!
Me: THEN WHY THE FUCK DID TOU SAY IT’S A LIE, WHEN I SAID I DIDN’T SLEEP?!
Lie detector: It’s 3:00 AM in 8 minutes, you usually close your eyes to sleep when it’s 5:00 AM... You get waken up at 7:00 AM... you only sleep two hours......
What do you call two AI systems that are in love with each other? Member of chat LGBT.
Why can't Asian people use a telephone?
Because they might wing the wrong number.
Stephen Hawking is just in a role play. He died to a crash in Minecraft.
Hey Siri, skip to Friday!
Q: What do you call deaf Magic Johnson?
A: Hearing Aids.
Your mom is so fat the space shuttle can see her from 10,000 miles away.
What do you call a family picture for an orphan?
A selfie.
Where's your off button?
Me when my girlfriend comes home, I check her phone and there are 100 texts from a different guy asking her out, and her text says yes.
Get the whip, you're out!
Yo mama so stupid, your mama thinks that VR is real life.
I gave Helen Keller an Oculus and AirPods for her 12th birthday, and she hated them and me.
The fact that I am high won't stop me from advising you.
Don't plug your phone while charging it; it is very dangerous.
What do iPhones and the Titanic have in common?
There's no Jack!
What’s the most terrifying word in nuclear physics?
Oops!
Why couldn't people have their phone on airplane mode during 9/11?
Because their phone exploded the towers.
