Teacher jokes

Why can’t a blind person be a teacher? Because they can’t control their pupils.

I was writing my final exams, and I saw a question saying to name the smallest thing in the world. To my knowledge, I chose an atom.

My Chemistry teacher said it was PSG. I was shocked beyond repair. Shame on you, PSG, I'm now a college dropout!

My teacher said, "Words don't hurt!"

So I threw my dictionary at her.

True story: my math teacher Mr. Ueberoth accidentally marked a Kahoot as 100 points in Google Classroom instead of 10. If he doesn't find out, the grades will be more hyperinflated than Zimbabwe's economy.

Teacher: "If you're dumb, stand up."

Nobody stands up.

After some waiting, the teacher says, "Really? No one? There must be someone."

Little Johnny stands up.

"Oh, so you think you're dumb, Johnny?"

"Nah, I just feel bad that you're standing alone."

Do you know the teacher that went up into space?

You know what her husband said to her? "I will feed the dog; you feed the fish."

Teacher: Tim, where are your parents? It's been 15 minutes!

Tim (Orphan): Yeah um, they can't come.

Teacher: Why not?

Tim: They're too busy working in heaven.

Some weird kid came into school today with his tagging gun. He tagged my friend really good. At the end, he tagged 12 students and 1 teacher. VICTORY ROAYAL ✌

When a 68 year old teacher says: "I am going to tackle an intruder if I have to!"

Me: "Oh hell nah"

Alright class, the person who answers my next question gets to go home.

Then a guy throws a pencil. The teacher asks, "Who threw that pencil?" "I did, I get to go home."

Me: Mrs., can I read my book?

Teacher: Sure.

Me: *watching my Chromebook*

Teacher to Student: You are supposed to be here at 9 am!

Student: Oh, did I miss anything?

I asked my teacher if I needed to be in the special ED class, but she said I don’t eat enough vegetables.

Teacher: I was an orphan when I was younger.

Student: Oof.

Teacher: Is anyone not here?

Student: Yes, your parents.

I would tell you a good joke, but I can’t, so here is a bad one.

I would tell you a joke about a teacher, but she’d kill you at school.

I miss seeing my friends and teachers.

Do you know how I lost my music teacher job?

I tried to hit G by putting D.

Don't you hate when you have sex with your teacher, then remember you're home schooled?

Kid: Hey, Dad.

Dad: You're an hour late.

Kid: No, it was two hours. Also, I was working on math.

Dad: By yourself?

Kid: No.

Dad: A boy?

Kid: I was with the teacher.

I hate school. I mean, why can't you pull out a 12 gauge and shoot everyone, including the teachers?! This generation is too soft, man.