Teacher jokes
Teacher: *Reads mythological story about a cyclops*
Me: Does he have one eye cause he's from an incestual family in Alabama?
Teacher: Jeff, why did you throw a paper plane at the twins?
Jeff: You wouldn't get it, miss.
Suzy: How did Jonah fit in the whale?
Teacher: Whales are very big but have small mouths, so Jonah did not actually fit in the whale.
Suzy: Well, the Bible says he did.
Teacher: He did not.
Suzy: When I get to heaven I will ask him how he fit in.
Teacher: How do you know he went to heaven? Maybe he went to hell.
Suzy: Then you can ask him.
Why did the rapper become a MATH TEACHER?
Because he was good with bars and beats.
I confessed to my crush in preschool. Unfortunately, she rejected me. I just carried on and got right back to teaching.
I had a teacher named Mr. Stubs. I asked why he was given that name, and he replied, "My parents said my limbs were spare parts."
When you were late to school and your teacher called you tardy, she meant that in more ways than one.
I pulled my kid out of school after a woke teacher taught my six-year-old about pronouns! Yesterday, it was "he/she," today, "they/it," tomorrow, "I/you/we!"
What did Rengoku say to his class?
"Set your school ablaze!"
Alright, class, we have 39 students and 40 seats.
That one dyslexic kid thinking he’s Superman:
Once at school, a teacher thought I was Russian. Why do you think that? I said. The teacher replied, because you're reading from Right to Left.
My teacher made us watch a movie about the struggles of being an overweight person in this day and age.
It was really heavy on me.
Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? Idaho, Alaska?
What it actually means: Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? I don’t know. I’ll ask her.
P.S. My dad is a history teacher and he told me to put this in here.
My science teacher was talking about natural selection.
At one point, she asked me to name the first person to theorize about it. I said, "Eric Harris." It was on his shirt.
If you don't get the joke, look up "Eric Harris natural selection."
What do you call a teacher who never farts in public? A private tutor.
We were watching a 9/11 documentary in class.
I started playing the Angry Birds theme song. That didn't fly well with people, the teacher yelled at me like a bomb, and I landed on the ground.
Your hairline so bad that when your teacher puts you to sit in the front of the class, your hairline be all the way in the back.
Kid: How much do you get paid?
Teacher: Minimum wage.
One day, a chemistry teacher asked his student, whose name is Raj, "What is the chemical formula of water?"
The Raj replied, "HIJKLMNO."
The teacher asked, "What is this rubbish?"
The Raj replied, "Yesterday, you taught the chemical formula of water is H2O."
Do you know the teacher that went up in space? She had blew eyes. One blew this way and one blew that way.