Teacher jokes
When a 68 year old teacher says: "I am going to tackle an intruder if I have to!"
Me: "Oh hell nah"
Teacher: "If you're dumb, stand up."
Nobody stands up.
After some waiting, the teacher says, "Really? No one? There must be someone."
Little Johnny stands up.
"Oh, so you think you're dumb, Johnny?"
"Nah, I just feel bad that you're standing alone."
We were watching a 9/11 documentary in class.
I started playing the Angry Birds theme song. That didn't fly well with people, the teacher yelled at me like a bomb, and I landed on the ground.
What do you call a teacher who never farts in public? A private tutor.
Your hairline so bad that when your teacher puts you to sit in the front of the class, your hairline be all the way in the back.
True story: my math teacher Mr. Ueberoth accidentally marked a Kahoot as 100 points in Google Classroom instead of 10. If he doesn't find out, the grades will be more hyperinflated than Zimbabwe's economy.
Teacher to Student: You are supposed to be here at 9 am!
Student: Oh, did I miss anything?
I asked my teacher if I needed to be in the special ED class, but she said I don’t eat enough vegetables.
Teacher: I was an orphan when I was younger.
Student: Oof.
Teacher: Is anyone not here?
Student: Yes, your parents.
Teacher: Tim, where are your parents? It's been 15 minutes!
Tim (Orphan): Yeah um, they can't come.
Teacher: Why not?
Tim: They're too busy working in heaven.
Do you know the teacher that went up in space? She had blew eyes. One blew this way and one blew that way.
Why can’t a blind person be a teacher? Because they can’t control their pupils.
Some weird kid came into school today with his tagging gun. He tagged my friend really good. At the end, he tagged 12 students and 1 teacher. VICTORY ROAYAL ✌
Do you know how I lost my music teacher job?
I tried to hit G by putting D.
I would tell you a good joke, but I can’t, so here is a bad one.
I would tell you a joke about a teacher, but she’d kill you at school.
I miss seeing my friends and teachers.
The teacher made us present a slideshow to introduce ourselves.
Mine is bright and colorful with music. It was so good that a kid started dancing!
Alright, class, we have 39 students and 40 seats.
That one dyslexic kid thinking he’s Superman:
Why did the rapper become a MATH TEACHER?
Because he was good with bars and beats.
I confessed to my crush in preschool. Unfortunately, she rejected me. I just carried on and got right back to teaching.