Swimming jokes
I was swimming in a pool on my vacation when a fan of mine approached me. He said he wanted an autograph and gave me a pen to sign it. I accidentally dropped the pen in the pool. Suddenly, Penaldo came out of NOWHERE and dove to save it. He said he always dives for pens.
Hey, my sister said you're Mattick, so I decided to swim with her and she threw a ball at me, so I went to my dad and she said, "Why did you tell dad?" She was crying because I’m not getting a car seat.
What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A school bus full of children.
Q: What are women better than men at doing?
A: Winning arguments.
Q: What are men better than women at doing?
A: Winning swimming titles.
Have you ever seen a blind man swim?
Neither has he.
What's black and yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of orphans.
What's black and yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of orphans.
I got caught peeing in the pool.
The lifeguard blew his whistle so hard I nearly fell in!
Yo mama so fat that every time she takes a swim, the Arctic sinks by a mile!
I heard a neat little trick you can use to have a public pool all to yourself. If you blow a whistle 3 times, everyone will just get out!
How often do emos go swimming in a lifetime?
Just once.
Went swimming today and peed in the deep end. The lifeguard saw me and blew his whistle so loud I almost fell in.
Yo mama's so stupid, she drowned in the pond because the sign said, "No Swimming!"
Why did Dad say no to the pool? Because he can't swim.
Why do oompa loompas secretly take Skinny Dips in Willy Wonka's chocolate?
They wanted some chocolate balls.
The tortoise was swimming through the lake. His head got stuck in plastic. He said, "Oh dam."
A shark can swim faster than me, but I can run faster than a shark.
So in a triathlon, it would all come down to whoever can ride a bike the fastest.
Hey guys! I'm back! Sorry I didn't post yesterday! I had swim practice, and a bunch of homework, but here I am! And here is the quote of the day!
"Push yourself, because no one will do it for you."
Love y'all so much!
If you watch "Jaws" backward, it will be a heartwarming story about a shark who gives arms and legs to disabled people.
1.) What’s yellow and can’t swim?
- A bus full of children.
2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
- He died of a yeast infection.
3.) I will never forget my grandad’s last words...
- “You’re still holding the ladder, right?”
4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...
- Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...
- Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.