My son asked for a swimming pool so I got him a ant 🐜🐜🐜 pool.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? "Why?" 'Cause she had no arms.
Why did Sally drop a broom? "Why?" 'Cause she had no arms.
Why did Sally go swimming? She didn't like not having arms.
Knock knock. "Who's there?" Not Sally, she hasn't come back yet.
A dolphin swims into a bar and looks at the menu. He calls the bartender and orders a pint of ginger-whale.
Do depressed people hate swimming?
They hate it because they are already drowning in their depression, but they love it because it might make all their dreams come true.
I went for a swim in the river that crosses Mexico, and I saw a Mexican, aka a wetback, swimming across. I asked, and he said, "I'm a wetback."
What do you call Hitler in a pool? Adolfin.
Which country can swim?
Finland. Get it? Fin Land?
A guy was doing bad things and died and went to hell.
Demon: Why you sad?
Guy: I’m in hell, can’t you see?
Demon: Well, we have fun here at hell.
Guy: Really? Nice.
Demon: We do sleeping in on Mondays.
Guy: OoOoOo
Demon: Tuesdays we swim in our lava or dive in fire. If you die, you’re already dead ☠️
Guy: Ok, does that mean I’m a ghost?
Demon: No, you're not a ghost.
Demon: Wednesdays we do a dance party and smoke and drink 🍺
Guy: Ooooooo, I can’t wait 😜
Demon: Thursdays we drink all day until we throw up and die, and you're already dead, remember that?
Guy: Ok, but I am dead, and if I die again, I was already dead, right?
Demon: Yup.
Demon: I have a question: Are you gay, and do you like kissing fire girls, and if you die, you are already dead?
Guy: Ummm, I am not gay, and I don’t like kissing fire girls 😱😱😱
Demon: Then you won’t like Friday or Saturday or Sunday, heheh.
Guy: I’m dead for real in the hell 🪦🏴☠️☠️☠️💀
Hell helll helll R.I.P hell is gone for now.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to go and swim in some shit. Jack forgot to bring some goggles and floaty, and now they have a daughter.
Secret: Jill didn’t go in the shit yet. Jack went in first and died! :D
Why do scuba divers fall backwards off of the boat?
Because if they fell forward, they'd still be on the boat.
Titanic, doing the polar plunge before it was cool.
Did you know the Titanic swimming pool is still full?
So, there was a male whale and a female whale swimming through the ocean. One day the male whale sees a ship and says, "That's the ship that killed my parents!" So they go to the ship and blow the ship over and throw the men overboard into the sea.
The male whale sees the man who killed his parents and he was still alive, so he opened his mouth and went for the man, but out of nowhere the female whale yells, "Hey!! I was in it for the blowjob, but I'm not gonna eat seamen!"
Q: What does a dead prostitute and a swimming pool have in common?
A: They're both cold when you first get in, but warm up after a few strokes.
I was swimming in a pool on my vacation when a fan of mine approached me. He said he wanted an autograph and gave me a pen to sign it. I accidentally dropped the pen in the pool. Suddenly, Penaldo came out of NOWHERE and dove to save it. He said he always dives for pens.
Hey, my sister said you're Mattick, so I decided to swim with her and she threw a ball at me, so I went to my dad and she said, "Why did you tell dad?" She was crying because I’m not getting a car seat.
What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A school bus full of children.
Q: What are women better than men at doing?
A: Winning arguments.
Q: What are men better than women at doing?
A: Winning swimming titles.
Have you ever seen a blind man swim?
Neither has he.
What's black and yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of orphans.
