Suicide jokes

My gay ass: I want to find Jesus.

Religious mom: FINALLY!

Me: Grabs a noose.

What kind of bath bomb does an emo person use?

A toaster.

My mom asked me if I was okay, so I replied, "I will be," and jumped out the window!

What did the depressed kid do in P.E.? They played with the jump rope, but they used it the wrong way.

Q. What's the biggest cause of infant drownings? A. Postpartum depression.

You look sexy with that rope around your neck.

Why did the emo kid not cross the road?

He was waiting for a car.

It’s OK if emo kids always hang from the trees, but if we do it, it’s considered against the law.

My friend asked me if I wanted to hang out by the tree later. I said, "Yeah, I was gonna hang there."

What did the kid say to the emo?

"Don't leave me hanging!"

More expresso, less depresso. Jk, let's all drink bleach cuz life is a bitch.

What's the difference between me and a rope?

A rope will hang with you.

Hey girl, are you suicide? 'Cause I think of you everyday.

I'd love it if you killed yourself, but Hitler killed himself and people still hate him...

It's muffi time, 'cause I wanna die, die, die.

what game does an emo love?

Hangman.

So, a guy walks into a bar, and he tells the bartender, "After this last drink, I'm going to the roof to kill myself." A guy sitting next to him says, "I wouldn't do that if I were you." in which the man replies, "Oh yeah?" So, they both take their shots and go up to the roof. The guy says, "You're not gonna die, watch this!" He jumps off the roof and comes back up. The man rubs his eyes and tells him to go it again. He comes down and comes back up. The man says, "Cool, let me try!" and he jumps down only to kill himself. The guy goes back to the bar, and the bartender says, "Superman, you're an asshole."

How are wet clothes and a depressed person alike? One gets hung up to dry, the other gets hung up to die.

Me: I'm home, ma! Here's her with a new dad. Her: Go hang with someone. Me: Gets the noose, goes to fav tree. I love you, ma. 🙂

The last words of a depressive person are: "Yay, Freedom."