Suicide jokes

Which way is quicker to die? Noose or slitting my throat?

I'm so skinny, I could use floss as a noose.

My mom said, "Don't jump off, we need you."

I said, "No," then I jumped off a building and died.

Being asked for advice after a failed suicide attempt:

"What advice do you have for people out there?"

As a suicide professional, don't try this at home.

"Kill yourself."

"Kill me yourself, pussy."

If I cut my wrist, am I a zebra or a tiger?

Why can’t Kurt Cobain ride in the passenger seat?

Because he doesn’t like when someone calls "shotgun!"

Why did the emo kid not cross the road?

He was waiting for a car.

What's the difference between me and a rope?

A rope will hang with you.

Hey girl, are you suicide? 'Cause I think of you everyday.

Hello, it is the suicide line. Just keep hanging.

What did the depressed kid do in P.E.? They played with the jump rope, but they used it the wrong way.

Clear all your debts with one easy payment. Buy a shotgun and blow your head off.

Me: What do you call 4 depressed kids?

My friend: What?

Me: The Suicide Squad.

Hang in there, ya emo bastards! Remember, you could always be dead. Oh, too soon?

No wonder they wanna die so much. I'd wanna die too if I was a freak who listens to Black Veil Brides!

Anybody got a knife? I mean, an emo dildo?

What do you call suicidal Hitler?

Slitler.

I only have sex with suicidal bitches because that pussy [is] limited edition.

I tried to name my grass "emo" so it will cut itself.

Your momma's so depressed, she shot herself in the head hoping she'd die.

Really feeling suicidal is basically having a mental breakdown, but realizing you have nothing nice and sharp to use.