Suicide jokes
What is long, brown, and cures depression?
A noose.
Girl, are you a rope? Because I want to hang with you.
What do Spider-Man and suicidal people have in common?
They both hang.
My friend had one request for me before he committed suicide, and that was to play Van Halen’s “Jump” at his funeral.
I make suicidal jokes because I am a suicidal joke. And now for my closing act at the end of the rope.
Somebody told me to cheer up so.... I told him to pass me a rope :)
How does the next train stop for a depressive person? Death.
It's Christmas morning, and all the decorations are done, but the tree looks like it's missing something. *grabs the noose*
What kind of bath bomb does an emo person use?
A toaster.
What fell down the tree first, the emo or the apple?
Guess what? The apple, because the emo got left hanging.
Are you bleach? Because I want you inside of me.
Do y'all know the saying "Hang in there?" Well, fuck that, because I might as well be hanging myself.
How did the Indian suicide bomber blow himself up?
He pressed the red button.
what's a depressed person's favorite game?
hangman
Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself? I would too if all I heard was "daaaaaaah!"
What do you call a group of depressed kids?
The suicide squad.
Q: Give a man a day of therapy, he'll be sad for then and on.
A: Give a man a noose, he'll be sad for the rest of his life.
Q. What's the biggest cause of infant drownings? A. Postpartum depression.
You look sexy with that rope around your neck.
My gay ass: I want to find Jesus.
Religious mom: FINALLY!
Me: Grabs a noose.