Suicide jokes

Q. How do U get the emo out of the tree?

A. Cut the rope.

So put your best face on everybody, pretend you know this song everybody.

*pulls out noose* "COME HANG!"

*pulls out gun* Let's go out with a bang... Bang- *gunshot*

Me and my suicidal friend are close, so I took him to the mall to treat him.

We bought snacks, a new controller for his Xbox, and LED lights for his room to hopefully brighten his mood. After we scanned the last item, the machine beeped by itself.

I'm surprised that the tree is still standing when my emo friend is hanging from it.

An orphan was shocked, he called the ambulance. If he forgot he's suicidal, he quickly hung up.

Bro, I gave a suicidal kid Nikes... he just did it, lol.

I jump off a cliff and said I hate you, dumb blond, and eagle...Then I said to my wife, "We're done, Blondie," and said to my friend, "You're a dumbhead eagle!"

I’ve been munching away on these new Tic Tacs recently and honestly, they are really good.

It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty though, so it’s time to get some more!

You realize you're in a paradox until you die. You'll see yourself die by murder, suicide, old age, etc.

Then you realize you're dreaming, but you realize that if you die in a dream, you die IRL.

My friend had one request for me before he committed suicide, and that was to play Van Halen’s “Jump” at his funeral.

Did the tree high five the emos?

No, he just left them hanging.

How do you get an emo out of the tree?

You cut the rope.

Robin asks Batman what he is getting his parents for Christmas. Batman gets mad, slaps Robin, and runs off crying.

Now you know why Batman Beyond was born when Bruce died. cause of death: suicide

I stood on the edge of a building and someone yelled, "Do a flip!"..... and I did.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side.

The teacher says to do your homework. I do. My friends do. One person never does any of his homework.

Eventually, we had to have fun. He said he didn't do it. WOW what did he do? I like to think he got smacked and nearly committed suicide.

If a baby dies in the womb, is it considered suicide?

Unlike the Americans, Hitler knew when to kill himself.

what do you get when you cross parents, the san fran bridge and a moody asian teen?

Niagra falls

Why is it so hard to find people defending suicide in any discussion?

Because they are really committed to their cause.