Suicide jokes
I'm a fast reader, I can go through 20 stories in a few seconds.
Why did Logan Paul go to the suicide forest?
To see who's hanging around.
Are you suicide? Cause I'm tryna commit to you.
Friend #1: "Yo guys, what's the most unfair game you've ever played? For me it's Fortnite."
Friend #2: "I'd have to say Monopoly."
Me: "The most unfair game you say? Life, definitely. Like, no one wins, it's a one-way game."
Friend #2: "Uhh...that's not exactly what he meant..."
Friend #1: *calls the suicide hotline*
Look in the mirror. There's a joke for you.
Suicide is the way to get even with the bitch called probability.
How did a blonde commit suicide?
She jumped from the basement window.
Someone asked me if I've ever tried to kill myself. I responded, "Absolutely. A few times actually. I'm just not very good at it."
What do you do when life gives you lemons? Slit your wrist and give a lemon a twist. 🙂💊💉
Me: *Meets girl, starts to form crush* Me after I get enough courage to talk to her: “Are you a casket lid because I want you on top of me?”
“What do you call my friend group?” “Suicide Squad.”
Imagine failing to commit suicide; you might as well go kill yourself.
My friend said he wanted to die, and I told him not to jump. But when he screamed, "Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville, and welcome to Jackass!" I knew it was over.
You call it suicide. I call it a failed parkour attempt.
If I hung myself from a cliff, would people call me a cliffhanger?
Me, trying to interact with people: “Hey, are you a rope? Because I really wanna HANG with you.”
Person I’m talking to: *Pulling out phone to call suicide hotline* “haha what.”
Who's the fastest reader?
Me, 'cause I'll be jumping off so many stories.
What do you call it when a friend calms his suicidal friend? "Hang in there, buddy."
Go Kermit, toaster bath.
Fuck it, suicide is wrong, but if you jump off a bridge and yell "parkour," it's a failed stunt.
What do you call a depressed person holding a knife?
Freedom yay! (so funny ikr)