Teacher: Who here has thought about committing suicide?
Half of the class: *raises hand*
Teacher: ...
The half of the class: *Starts talking about how they were thinking of doing it*
What's the worst thing about committing suicide? You can only do it once.
What's the only regret you would have when you eventually kill yourself? It wasn't sooner.
Person 1: You are the dumbest person in the class.
Person 2: Well, you're the second. Maybe, but at least I'm not the dumbest.
Person 2: I know how to fix that!
... Next day person commits suicide...
What do you call someone who wants to commit suicide by jumping off a building?
A cliffhanger.
Friend #1: "Yo guys, what's the most unfair game you've ever played? For me it's Fortnite."
Friend #2: "I'd have to say Monopoly."
Me: "The most unfair game you say? Life, definitely. Like, no one wins, it's a one-way game."
Friend #2: "Uhh...that's not exactly what he meant..."
Friend #1: *calls the suicide hotline*
What did the suicidal leprechaun say?
"Irish I was dead."
It must not be a good suicide story if you can tell it.
If you're gonna razor yourself, you might as well have shaving cream.
What do you call a 60 year old with a bomb?
Suicide Boomer.
How did a blonde commit suicide?
She jumped from the basement window.
The suicide hotline didn't even give me advice on how to kill myself. Not helpful at all.
You call it suicide. I call it a failed parkour attempt.
Go Kermit, toaster bath.
My friend was on a wheelchair... he committed suicide yesterday. I remember when I met him last time, he told us a good joke and I appreciated him and told him to become a stand-up comedian.
To all of you who can't understand using jokes as a coping mechanism... you know what I will ask of you :)
Thankfully, I'm still alive because I fail at everything in life.
A depressed kid was stuck on a tree, and a man saw the kid.
Man: "Hang in there! I'm gonna get some help!"
Two minutes later, the kid literally did what the guy said.
RIP Daniel Kyre from Cyndago (July 6, 1994-September 18, 2015)
Daniel committed suicide five years ago today......
Got into a fight last night. We both had blades. He cut me deep. I thought I was gone, but he forgot to keep the water running.
Weird thing was that we were in the fight of our lives in the restroom and that guy kinda looked like me.
Japanese people are so cool and organized, they have their own ways of suicide.
Why do emo people want to be called scene now? The only thing I've seen from them is their suicide rate climbing.
