Suicide Jokes

Teacher : Who here has thought about committing suicide? Half of the class : *raises hand* Teacher : ... The half of the class: *Starts talking about how they were thinking of doing it*

What the worst thing about committing suicide, You can only do it once

What's the only regret you would have when you eventually kill yourself, It wasn't Sooner

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

What do you call someone who wants to commit suicide by jumping off a building?

A cliffhanger.

Friend #1: "Yo guys, what's the most unfair game you've ever played? For me it's Fortnite."

Friend #2: "I'd have to say Monopoly."

Me: "The most unfair game you say? Life, definitely. Like, no one wins, it's a one-way game."

Friend #2: "Uhh...that's not exactly what he meant..."

Friend #1: *calls the suicide hotline*

What did the suicidal leperchaun say Irish i was dead

It must be not a good suicide story if you can tell it.

If you're gonna razor yourself you might as well have shaving cream.

What do you call a 60 year old with a bomb?

Suicide Boomer

How did a blonde commit suicide

She jumped from the basement window

The suicide hotline didn't even give me advice on how to kill myself. Not helpful at all

Go Kermit toaster bath

You call it suicide. I call it a failed parkour attempt.

my friend was on wheelchair......he committed suicide yesterday, I remember when i met him last time he told us a good joke and i appreciated him and i told him to become stand up comedian.